“Hello everyone! This is Jasper Quincy, your host, bringing you the show that promises you a brighter future … Clean Sweep!”
The theme music swells to a triumphant crescendo, as sophisticated graphics flash across the screen – clunky oil rigs morphing into sleek wind turbines, traffic jams dissolving into tree-lined bike paths, layers of smog clearing into bright blue skies. Jasper continues excitedly.
“In a few minutes we will be checking our international database – what will today’s count be? Stay tuned for the answer to this life-changing question! But first a heartfelt thanks to today’s sponsors – Exxonerated and ShellOut. These energy giants have each donated ten billion dollars to the Buy Back the Air fund, allowing you to trade in your gas guzzler for a clean, maintenance-free electric car with nothing down and low-interest monthly payments. These generous donations mark their conversion from fossil fuels to renewable, planet-friendly resources. Thanks, guys – and welcome to today’s realities!”
After an extended ad celebrates the charms of the new, improved energy duo, Jasper returns.
“And now, let’s look at our database count. For those of you who’ve been living under a rock, our count of fossil-fuel-powered cars started at 1.4 billion, a seemingly insurmountable number. But millions of you took the pledge, especially after the ExShel team started offering financial incentives. Last week we were down to an astounding 142,683,107. Oprah is with us today, awarding this week’s first 1,000 converts a year’s free subscription to her Big O charging stations throughout the world. Thank you, Oprah! Are you ready to read the data?”
“I’m ready, Jasper.” Oprah’s smile lights up the room.
Dramatic music fills the air and the entire world holds its breath as Oprah presses a key. The number flashes up on the screen.
“Wow folks, we’re almost there!” Jason cries. “Only 65,340,023 conversions to go. Oprah – here’s the list of the lucky 1,000 winners!”
“Join us next week, when Jeff Bezos and Sir Richard Branson will give virtual space rides to the first converts. For now, this is Jasper Quincy, from Clean Sweep, wishing you a life free of fossil fuels!”