Noah : We can’t use her as bait.

Sally : We have no choice.

Noah :  ( shakily, rubs his face) We can’t use her as bait. We can’t.

Sally settles her 3 month old baby down in the crib and turns to Noah.

Sally : We have no choice.  Just as we planned.

The darkness surrounds them, its eyes hollow and hands reaching for the crib.

Sally : Noah! Now!

But Noah was gone.

4.8 20 votes
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34 Comments
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Eric Radcliffe
Eric Radcliffe (@eric-radcliffe)
1 year ago

It takes a real talent to tell a story in so few words. What was the baby the bait for? If you don’t mind me suggesting, I think you could have gotten a little more from this Halloween story. I wanted to read on. I enjoyed reading this story. Thank you.

Katy Bizi
Katy Bizi (@katy-bizi)
1 year ago

I can’t believe this is only 60 words! I was impressed, dear writer, with your writing styles before, but now I am so jealous of your talent!

Romesh Savanghan
Romesh Savanghan (@romesh-savanghan)
1 year ago

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Devinie Lye-Ukwattage
Devinie Lye-Ukwattage (@devinie-lye-ukwattage)
1 year ago

Love it!

Olivia Evans
Olivia Evans (@olivia-evans)
1 year ago

Hi Nimra! The shortest engaging story! Write MORE!

Olivia Evans
Olivia Evans (@olivia-evans)
1 year ago
Reply to  Olivia Evans

I shared with Jess and the team

Last edited 1 year ago by Olivia Evans
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Jessica Lewis
Jessica Lewis (@jessica-lewis)
1 year ago
Reply to  Olivia Evans

I keep coming back here for some reason. LOL.

Jessica Lewis
Jessica Lewis (@jessica-lewis)
1 year ago

Thanks for sharing this Nimra. I enjoyed it!

Sabeeha Samsoodeen
Sabeeha Samsoodeen (@sabeeha-samsoodeen)
1 year ago

Write more please! Most engaging short story I’ve read in a while

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Goddess Ofabundance
Goddess Ofabundance (@goddess-ofabundance)
1 year ago

Gimhani lakshika
Gimhani lakshika (@gimhani-lakshika)
1 year ago

Love it

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Kevin Saunders
Kevin Saunders (@kevin-saunders)
1 year ago

Hey! Jess shared your stuff. All the best!

Jessica Lewis
Jessica Lewis (@jessica-lewis)
1 year ago
Reply to  Kevin Saunders

hey lol

Last edited 1 year ago by Jessica Lewis
Carrie OLeary
Carrie OLeary (@carrie-oleary)
1 year ago

Well done getting to first place. I would love to see this extended into a longer story

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Pragya Rathore
Pragya Rathore (@pragya-rathore)
1 year ago

Hey Nimra! Congratulations on the win, it was definitely well-earned. This story felt like a retelling of Annabelle, and it was compelling. Great job!

Eric Radcliffe
Eric Radcliffe (@eric-radcliffe)
1 year ago

Well done Nimra, for a Great Story. You must be Very Proud at this Moment -Eric.

Katy Bizi
Katy Bizi (@katy-bizi)
1 year ago

They say the more words you use, the better the story will turn out. This piece of art is the perfect example that proves this theory wrong. Well-done!

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Susan Dawson
Susan Dawson (@susan-dawson)
1 year ago

Minimal and intriguing. I wonder what is reaching for the crib.

Melissa Taggart
Melissa Taggart (@melissa-taggart)
1 year ago

This story captured me right away. I hope you take it further someday! Impressive.

Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo (@lotchie-carmelo)
1 year ago

A very short story but captivating.

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Most Voted Comments

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8

Bait

It takes a real talent to tell a story in so few words. What was…


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6

Endure and Sing

Inspirational piece. Am glad you picked the rat to be the protagonist in your story,…


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6

Endure and Sing

Such a sweet tale - and with a good moral to the story. I thought…


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5

Endure and Sing

Wow! This is a good story! Really good to read to little kids, the moral…


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4

Endure and Sing

Hi Katy, it really does add an extra dimension to hear your story read aloud…


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4

Endure and Sing

In my neighboring country Denmark, we have the classical storyteller Hans-Christian Andersen. Your sweet story…


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4

Endure and Sing

A really nice one with a wonderful story line. I can see why this was…


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4

Endure and Sing

A beautiful story! I was reminded of seeing Paul Potts and Susan Boyle on Britain's…


Avatar
4

Endure and Sing

Your story inspired me to keep going no matter how discouraging it gets. At times…


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4

Endure and Sing

Thank you so much for the feedback! I pray that the young readers will be…


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4

Endure and Sing

Thank you for taking the time to comment and convey your thoughts on the story.…


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4

Endure and Sing

Hi Katy, don't we all feel like the rat in your story at times! We…


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4

Vows

I must admit it was the picture of the church, with its grave yard, under…


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3

Between Belonging and Dying

A very powerful story, Daniel. Your writing makes it easy to feel the reality of…


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3

Between Belonging and Dying

Oh my gosh, Daniel. Your story really defines the word superb. You make me experience…


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3

Between Belonging and Dying

A horrendous situation, more so because so many people find themselves going through it. A…


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3

Between Belonging and Dying

What an extremely powerful story Daniel, really well written and with an ending that had…


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3

Between Belonging and Dying

Daniel, this story is one of the best flash fiction stories I've ever read. You…


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3

In Memoriam

It's terrible to lose someone you love and accept that he is not a part…


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3

The Problem with Women

I think Carrie has said it all. We rest our collective case.  ? 


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