The sun paddles over the ground and into the open sky. I watch it gently seep into my drawn curtains and realize that it is time again to move. Now do not take me for a free loving tree hugger, with no offence to free loving tree huggers, but over the past few weeks, I’ve been battling with the idea that I wish to live. Not simply survive or hope to survive comfortably but play an active role at this being alive situation. The most eager solution staring back at me as I brush my teeth is to let go of anything that might throw this current endeavor off.

I proceed with this interrogation in front of the mirror, fancying myself a one woman island. This quickly escalates into a one woman kingdom where the laws of happiness and choice come down to a single idea – forgiveness. Let all of it go, every last drop. For my peace of mind, for the sake of moving forward, not as a linear citizen of existence but as one that wishes to reach out of the confines of my spite, my malice and my anger, justified or not.

Without the bounds of what classifies as progress, my intervention with self has found my fingers smudged red and purple from writing with lipstick. It is midday now and sprawled in rings and lines right across my mirror are the names of everything I’ve been running away from up until this point.

So even as you read this I write and edit with my mind’s eye all that brings me discomfort, painful memories and anguish. How this will end I cannot say for I too have not reached it, but I grow ever closer to the intention, and shall rise as something light enough to paddle over the ground and into the open sky.

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Linda Rock
Linda Rock(@linda-rock)
1 year ago

Your words completely resonated with me Belita. I love this woman in your story. That she doesn’t want just to survive but to live and forgive. I can picture that lipstick stained mirror. There is so much passion in your story and I just loved it.

Lydia E Atzemian
Lydia E Atzemian(@lydia-e-atzemian)
1 year ago

wow, super good

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Eric Radcliffe
Eric Radcliffe(@eric-radcliffe)
1 year ago

Well Belita, that is one huge struggle going on here! I find myself saying if only everyone looked at life with such honesty and determination. A lot of soul searching still ahead, but the path will be easier because your character said that ”Golden Word – Forgiveness!
Those who do not forgive walk in heavy boots. A thought provoking write – Well done. Eric.

Katy Bizi
Katy Bizi(@katy-bizi)
1 year ago

I really hope the woman in this story continues to be so strong and ready to face the new challenges of life. She is a true warrior!

Susan Dawson
Susan Dawson(@susan-dawson)
1 year ago

I like the lipstick on the mirror idea, because I immediately jump to imagining the words of spite and malice that may have been daubed on there before.

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Christer Norrlof
Christer Norrlof(@christer-norrlof)
1 year ago

It’s a brutally honest presentation of her situation that this woman shares with us, and yet one that everybody can recognize. (Even if everybody doesn’t use lipstick and bathroom mirror to get an overview of their situation.) The temptation to give up versus to keep fighting and making efforts can be subtle, but we can always hope that the willingness to forgive is deep and honest. Good writing!

Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
1 year ago

I love this woman in your story. She is so strong and positive. I hope she could continue to face and overcome all the challenges in her life.

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