Why Indeed
Yoga class is so much nicer without Cathy. Her slender body could form any pose, and her coppery hair remained unruffled, shining. Our instructor Matt adoringly called her “Golden Serpent”.
Not only was Golden Serpent beautiful and supple, but she was articulate and well-read. “Why do we do things that aren’t good for us?” Matt’s question inspired her to heights of poetry and philosophy. I remained silent.
But after class, when I followed Cathy home, I answered with action, whispering one word: “Jealousy”. My deeper answers will be for the police, who are just now knocking on the studio door.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleWell done descriptions of Golden Serpent. Good twist at the end. Enjoyable read!
I don’t usually like serpents at all but I think your narrator is the one with forked tongue. Well done on the first 100 word contest.
You are so right, Susan. Cathy wasn’t the serpent after all! Thanks so much for reading and giving this great comment. I really like the new 100 word format – it’s fun! I enjoy eliminating words until the essence is all that remains. I’m working on another one now. ?
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleTo be perfectly honest with you Fuji I found this exercise with 100 words really challenging, changing words by the minute. If I had been using an eraser then I think it would have had to be at least a yard long! I enjoyed reading your story, an air of mystery and jealousy. I’m sure I’ll be back to read it again and again, it had me thinking.
Haha, Eric. It’s for sure that erasers, or the delete button, is the writer’s best friend. Thanks so much for your comment. If my story got you to thinking, I wonder if it’s about writing or something more sinister? ?
Hi, Fuji. It made me read and read again, not just twice but thrice. It is very appealing to me your words: Golden Serpent and Jealousy. Nice job for 100 words contest.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThank you so much, Lotchie. One of the nicest compliments a writer can get is that someone reads their story again .. and again! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Your story sent shivers through me Fuji! How skillfully you set the story up. From the first sentence we sense something isn’t quite right and it stays with us until the reveal. Jealousy is such a strong emotion and although nobody would condone the action your narrator took, they could perhaps understand it. A story that stays with you. I really enjoyed it.
Hi Linda – what a great comment! This story was actually based on a real-life yoga class where the instructor asked the class why we do things that aren’t good for us. I got to thinking about that, and realized it would make a good story, especially with a truly nefarious motive. I’m glad the story seemed to work!
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleI’m even more impressed now. I think if I’d thought of writing a story based around that question it would probably have involved overeating or binging on box sets! Nothing nearly as creative as your story Fuji.
Well, Linda, this is what comes of a steady diet of Poirot, Miss Marple, Midsomer, Lord Peter Wimsey, Father Brown, Grantchester and most recently Shakespeare and Hathaway. Blame it on those delectable British murder mysteries!
Darkly delicious Fuji. I like how Cathy is painted in a negative way, then you have the nice little twist at the end. Nicely done.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleI love your first (published) 100 word story, Fuji. Not only that the few words are well chosen, but also that it is a story that keeps opening up slowly until the truth is revealed. The use of past tense when Cathy is described is a nice little hint.
Deep meaning story, Fuji. I am impressed by the ability to tell it in 100 words.
We sense from the beginning that something isn’t right but I didn’t see this coming! You’ve kept us at the edge of our seats, Fuji, while we were trying to figure out where the story was going.
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