Yoga class is so much nicer without Cathy. Her slender body could form any pose, and her coppery hair remained unruffled, shining. Our instructor Matt adoringly called her “Golden Serpent”. 

Not only was Golden Serpent beautiful and supple, but she was articulate and well-read.  “Why do we do things that aren’t good for us?”  Matt’s question inspired her to heights of poetry and philosophy.  I remained silent. 

But after class, when I followed Cathy home, I answered with action, whispering one word: “Jealousy”. My deeper answers will be for the police, who are just now knocking on the studio door.

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Voice-Team
Voice-Team(@voice-team)
Admin
1 year ago

Well done descriptions of Golden Serpent. Good twist at the end. Enjoyable read!

Susan Dawson
Susan Dawson(@susan-dawson)
1 year ago

I don’t usually like serpents at all but I think your narrator is the one with forked tongue. Well done on the first 100 word contest.

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Eric Radcliffe
Eric Radcliffe(@eric-radcliffe)
1 year ago

To be perfectly honest with you Fuji I found this exercise with 100 words really challenging, changing words by the minute. If I had been using an eraser then I think it would have had to be at least a yard long! I enjoyed reading your story, an air of mystery and jealousy. I’m sure I’ll be back to read it again and again, it had me thinking.

Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
1 year ago

Hi, Fuji. It made me read and read again, not just twice but thrice. It is very appealing to me your words: Golden Serpent and Jealousy. Nice job for 100 words contest.

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Linda Rock
Linda Rock(@linda-rock)
1 year ago

Your story sent shivers through me Fuji! How skillfully you set the story up. From the first sentence we sense something isn’t quite right and it stays with us until the reveal. Jealousy is such a strong emotion and although nobody would condone the action your narrator took, they could perhaps understand it. A story that stays with you. I really enjoyed it.

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Linda Rock
Linda Rock(@linda-rock)
Reply to  Fuji
1 year ago

I’m even more impressed now. I think if I’d thought of writing a story based around that question it would probably have involved overeating or binging on box sets! Nothing nearly as creative as your story Fuji.

Carrie OLeary
Carrie OLeary(@carrie-oleary)
1 year ago

Darkly delicious Fuji. I like how Cathy is painted in a negative way, then you have the nice little twist at the end. Nicely done.

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Christer Norrlof
Christer Norrlof(@christer-norrlof)
1 year ago

I love your first (published) 100 word story, Fuji. Not only that the few words are well chosen, but also that it is a story that keeps opening up slowly until the truth is revealed. The use of past tense when Cathy is described is a nice little hint.

Santina Forlenza
Santina Forlenza(@santina-forlenza)
1 year ago

Deep meaning story, Fuji. I am impressed by the ability to tell it in 100 words.

Katy Bizi
Katy Bizi(@katy-bizi)
1 year ago

We sense from the beginning that something isn’t right but I didn’t see this coming! You’ve kept us at the edge of our seats, Fuji, while we were trying to figure out where the story was going.

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