I wake to the beginning of another night.
The cold air from the fridge greets my hand as I feel for the bottle of milk. I need my coffee; it opens the door to my early morning walks.
I feel the playful nudge from Khan, as he nuzzles the palm of my hand with his wet nose as I fix his harness. He is as strong as he is loyal and smart.
The smell of lavender brushes the air from the park five blocks away. I whisper to Khan – I love being outdoors, as he continues to guide me.
People First, software second - Since 1985...
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleGreat story Eric; that first line tells the story all by itself, but you don’t reveal the truth of the story until right at the end. Nicely done. I can’t imagine what it would be like not to see. Every one of my hobbies needs my eyes.
Hello Carrie, thanks for the lovely feed back. I worked with a chap who played the piano in a club at weekends.He had really bad eye sight, and I always remember him saying, he would rather be blind than deaf.
Incredibly well written Eric. That first line had me wracking my brain, couldn’t get my head around it. Then you supplied the subtle clues in every paragraph, each so easily missed until the final words when everything came together. I absolutely loved it. The comment your workmate made about rather being blind than deaf really resonated with me. My daughter is partially sighted and gets so much pleasure from music.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleLinda it’s not me, it’s you! I have just realized that a story only comes alive to the reader, for almost every reader will see the story different, and that is – I don’t really know. Except to say, we all, as writers, try to connect with how we feel, how we see things. I’m just made up that you enjoyed my story – Thank You.
I do understand what you say about Music giving pleasure Linda. I have a friend who plays the piano in a home, and you should see how their faces all come alive in their own different ways. The connection songs make to each individual is amazing.
Eric, you’ve done it again! Carrie said the first line told the story, but I didn’t get the message of the first line. I thought it was a typo or something. As Linda said, though, the other clues were subtle but present. Finally the ending made it clear. A brilliant write, thoroughly enjoyable!
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleHello again Fuji, it is so rewarding to know that what we try to express, comes out right in the end, for it is only the comments that complete the story, as yours did. Thank You.
Hi Eric, An excellent story. The sparseness in the narrative gives the artistry.
Hello Dipayan, you are too kind, thank you for your encouraging words.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleYou’re welcome Eric.
Hi Eric, nicely done. Fuji is right I didn’t get the message on the first line as well. But in the end, you made it clear. A well-written story.
Ha,ha, I must be doing something right Lotchie, if I managed to keep the message from yourself and Fuji, two of my favourite commentators.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with Googlehahaha 🙂 Yes, you did it right. I am happy about your achievement, Eric. Keep on writing. I am looking forward to all your incoming stories here in Voice club.
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A story that is cyclical in a way, because every reader has to go back to the first line.
Well Susan, I hope every reader reads and sees it differently, that way you get to learn from every comment made. Thank you for sharing.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleI love the way you manage to put yourself in another person’s shoes, Eric. Your last one still resonates with me. You have a great empathic ability. This story is wonderful partly because of the way you use all the senses of character, except for the one his dog is helping him with.
This is a really good comment Christer, I tried to use the senses to carry the story, and I am so glad that you picked this up. The lavender fom the distance, was an indication of heightened sence of smell also. Christer, Thank You once again for taking your time to read and comment in depth.
I love the hopefulness of this story, Eric. I didn’t catch everything the first time through which made the story that much more enjoyable to read back through after it clicked in the last line. It all came together like a beautiful puzzle. Very well-written.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleHello Danielle, I’d like to say I caught you out, only joking, glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for taking the time to say that you liked it.
Eric, the last line of your story certainly put the first line into perspective for me. I heard a radio presenter ask the other day what a person would prefer if they had to make the decision, to be unable to see, or to be unable to hear. Although neither sounded very appealing to me, I thought that maybe being unable to see would be better as I have memories to go… Read more »
Hello Marianna, I will never tire from reading the honest comments made, for they teach us so much, not just about the story, but about the person who takes their time to comment. We learn so much from each other, not forgetting the friendships made. Collectively we all make one big story?
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleEric, this is so beautifully said. I sometimes learn more from the comments on my stories than what I expected. These are priceless friendships. I often find myself wondering what people I’ve met on these forums would think about things I write, but not post. The feedback we get here is so valuable.
I agree with you Marianna, I learn so much from reading the comments, and also, when I read and reply, I can see and understand things that I had not thought of previously.