I wake to the beginning of another night.

The cold air from the fridge greets my hand as I feel for the bottle of milk. I need my coffee; it opens the door to my early morning walks.

I feel the playful nudge from Khan, as he nuzzles the palm of my hand with his wet nose as I fix his harness.  He is as strong as he is loyal and smart.

The smell of lavender brushes the air from the park five blocks away.  I whisper to Khan – I love being outdoors, as he continues to guide me.

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Carrie OLeary
Carrie OLeary(@carrie-oleary)
1 year ago

Great story Eric; that first line tells the story all by itself, but you don’t reveal the truth of the story until right at the end. Nicely done. I can’t imagine what it would be like not to see. Every one of my hobbies needs my eyes.

Linda Rock
Linda Rock(@linda-rock)
1 year ago

Incredibly well written Eric. That first line had me wracking my brain, couldn’t get my head around it. Then you supplied the subtle clues in every paragraph, each so easily missed until the final words when everything came together. I absolutely loved it. The comment your workmate made about rather being blind than deaf really resonated with me. My daughter is partially sighted and gets so much pleasure from music.

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Fuji
Fuji(@fuji)
1 year ago

Eric, you’ve done it again! Carrie said the first line told the story, but I didn’t get the message of the first line. I thought it was a typo or something. As Linda said, though, the other clues were subtle but present. Finally the ending made it clear. A brilliant write, thoroughly enjoyable!

Dipayan Chakrabarti
Dipayan Chakrabarti(@dipayan-chakrabarti)
1 year ago

Hi Eric, An excellent story. The sparseness in the narrative gives the artistry.

Dipayan Chakrabarti
Dipayan Chakrabarti(@dipayan-chakrabarti)
1 year ago
Reply to  Eric Radcliffe

You’re welcome Eric.

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Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
1 year ago

Hi Eric, nicely done. Fuji is right I didn’t get the message on the first line as well. But in the end, you made it clear. A well-written story.

Last edited 1 year ago by Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
1 year ago
Reply to  Eric Radcliffe

hahaha 🙂 Yes, you did it right. I am happy about your achievement, Eric. Keep on writing. I am looking forward to all your incoming stories here in Voice club.
.

Susan Dawson
Susan Dawson(@susan-dawson)
1 year ago

A story that is cyclical in a way, because every reader has to go back to the first line.

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Christer Norrlof
Christer Norrlof(@christer-norrlof)
1 year ago

I love the way you manage to put yourself in another person’s shoes, Eric. Your last one still resonates with me. You have a great empathic ability. This story is wonderful partly because of the way you use all the senses of character, except for the one his dog is helping him with.

Danielle Burke
Danielle Burke(@danielle-burke)
1 year ago

I love the hopefulness of this story, Eric. I didn’t catch everything the first time through which made the story that much more enjoyable to read back through after it clicked in the last line. It all came together like a beautiful puzzle. Very well-written.

Marianna Pieterse
Marianna Pieterse(@marianna-pieterse)
1 year ago

Eric, the last line of your story certainly put the first line into perspective for me. I heard a radio presenter ask the other day what a person would prefer if they had to make the decision, to be unable to see, or to be unable to hear. Although neither sounded very appealing to me, I thought that maybe being unable to see would be better as I have memories to go by, if that makes sense. I cannot imagine for one moment that it is easy to be blind, but I like how you focused on the other heightened senses, like your protagonist’s sense of smell. It reminded me not to take my senses for granted. This is a beautiful story.

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Marianna Pieterse
Marianna Pieterse(@marianna-pieterse)
1 year ago
Reply to  Eric Radcliffe

Eric, this is so beautifully said. I sometimes learn more from the comments on my stories than what I expected. These are priceless friendships. I often find myself wondering what people I’ve met on these forums would think about things I write, but not post. The feedback we get here is so valuable.

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