Monday (2)
She looked up at his lined laughing face and stood quickly, eager to grab the lumpy package from his desk. ‘Not so fast,’ he whispered as his bony fingers closed over her wrist, ‘Which door will you choose?’
He dropped her wrist as she turned around surveying the room. Only then she noticed the other door, tucked absentmindedly behind a tower of boxes. ‘Seriously?’ she asked. He replied by slowly pointing to each door. Sighing, she clutched the package to her chest.
The door I came in? Or the other one? Hang on; which door did I come in?
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleWow, Lisa, I’m impressed. I always wanted to write sequels to some of my stories, but have never quite pulled it off. This second Monday is equally good as a stand alone or as a followup. I can’t wait to see what happens next! Cliffhangers are a great way to keep an audience engaged. Great work.
Oh thanks Fuji! Lovely words x
I really liked your story, Lisa. Good work!
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThank you 🙂
Nice job on the sequel Lisa. I like adding prequels and sequels to my stories sometimes too. You never know quite where they will take you. I have several recurring characters who pop in wanting me to tell just a little bit more of their story. I think that can be one of the fun parts of writing flash and micro fiction.
Thanks Carrie. I didn’t think of a prequel, Great idea! Maybe next time? 🙂
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleI love how you have not only kept the mystery of the parcel but also added to it with the choice of doors in the second Monday. This certainly keeps us gripped. Well done!
Thanks so much Linda 🙂
I love it, Lisa. Your cliffhanging techniques are very effective. This brings excitement to me. Same as Fuji, I can’t wait to see what happens next.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThanks Lotchie! 🙂
You’re welcome Lisa.
This is a great scene you have created. That last line brings a feeling of panic and definitely gives your story an ominous feel. Well done.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThanks Marianna 🙂
Your story reveals a lot of uncertainty for the protagonist: Is the man good or evil? What’s in the package? Which door is the best one? Even the question “Where did I enter?” adds to the mystery. A lot of material for a sequel.
Thanks for the great feedback Christer 🙂
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleI feel a need for Monday (3)
Haha.. I have no plans for one. But let’s see where this takes us! 🙂
Hi Lisa, I love this story. It is all the little things that make up the bigger picture, bony fingers, lumpy package, lined face, then the choice of the door! On a lighter note, have you ever visited a place that you have not been to before, and you stand there thinking what way did I come in? And you panic a little as you walk this way, then say to yourself,… Read more »
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleOh yes! Second guessing yourself! Thanks for your lovely words Eric.
What a great sequel! You definitely keep the reader on edge while still maintaining the same mysterious vibes. Pardon my manners, but you better write a third part and make this into a trilogy, Lisa! We need to know more about the character’s decision.
Haha! Thanks Katy 🙂
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