Closing Down
Sandra had as many kinds of fears as there were colors in her make up kit: red fear for punishment, blue for humiliation, white for fear of being nothing. She feared not being smart enough, confident enough, attractive enough. She felt fear for disappointments and uncertainty; even for fear itself.
One after the other, the doors to her heart imperceptibly closed. Her most valued treasures—hope, trust and peace—were left inside, safely locked up as in a solid bank vault. Nobody, not even Sandra, had access to the combination.
And afterwards, people said, “How strange! That girl had everything!
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleA well written micro fiction, Christer. Excellent!
Thank you very much, Dipayan. It makes me happy to know that the story resonated with you.
You’re welcome.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleA very powerful story, Christer. The word “afterwards” says it all, while at the same time, it says nothing directly. These 100 word stories teach us – both as writers and as readers – the depth of meaning in a single word. Great job.
Thank you, Fuji. You are right, the word “afterwards” is important in the little story, both for creating a distance in time and space from the first lines and for finishing it up.
Your story leaves me with the question ‘what happened to her?’ Christer. She obviously didn’t see in herself what others did. I’m thinking if something bad had happened to her, people would more likely have said “How sad.” rather than “How strange!” But I could be completely wrong! See how you have now left me guessing! I love stories like this!
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleI’m glad I managed to lure you into the story, Linda! Of course, we want to know what happened to Sandra, and I preferred to leave that to the reader’s imagination. I think that the fact that “people” were surprised, saying that she had it all, points to some kind of sad outcome. I also think that it is mostly your, Linda’s, compassionate heart that makes you say that they ought to… Read more »
A very well-written story, Christer. It is like a mirror to myself. I also have many fears within, the same fears as your protagonist has but we differ on our most valued treasures because for me my most valued treasures are: family, faith and prayer to God, hope, trust, peace, and love. These 100 words imply a very deep meaning. Excellent.
It makes me very happy to see that you recognized yourself in the story, Lotchie. It’s is even better to know that you have a strong faith and love that keeps you safe and peaceful. I’m sure you can imagine the mental state for a person with lots of fears and without your faith. Thank you for your kind words.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleYes, I can vividly imagine that. Thank you for sharing this kind of story here.
Christer, you have said so much in only a few words. Your choice of words in the last line is brilliant and as other people have commented, left you wondering about what happened to her. Well done.
Thank you very much, Marianna. I guess that you, as well as other readers, including myself, wonder what might have happened to Sandra. It could be several possible outcomes. After having finished writing the story, I looked at it as from outside, saying to myself that it shows that we should all try to look beyond appearances and try to support and encourage our neighbor. You never know what lies behind a… Read more »
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with Google100 words and yet you wrote another masterpiece, Christer! The story actually begins after the reader stops reading it and that’s the magic of literature.
Thank you very much, Katy! It’s funny how ideas appear in the mind and make a story develop. And then, when we are lucky, it can communicate with the mind of somebody else and the process can continue there. Yes, it is magic!
You are so right, Christer, I couldn’t have said it better!
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleWonderfully written Christer, we can all relate to the word fear, and how sad when it rules, for it is the thief of all thieves. This story Christer, has a lot of under the radar wisdom.
Passwords we all forget, perhaps she will remember the combination one day.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Eric. I think you are right about the fact that fear, sometimes well hidden, are stealing the best parts of us. Maybe she (and anybody) will remember the combination some day, and maybe someone magically will show up with it.
Your first line (relating her fears with the colors in the make up kit) grabbed me. The bank vault simile is equally engaging. Great imagery! And the fact that she can’t access those vital contents is heart-breaking.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleI am glad you saw those subtle things, Danielle, and that you appreciated them. I think we often are victims to our experiences from childhood. Few people go through those first few years without traumas. But in some cases, such as this one, it is worse.
I think you’ve just written my biography Christer, not that I had it all, but it is all too easy to lose confidence in yourself and in other people, fear that you’re not good enough. Locking up your emotions is just the next step along the road. You’ve written this so well.
I can’t really say that I am happy if you recognized yourself in Sandra, but I am indeed happy that the story expressed something that is important to you. I think that many more people than we can imagine are carrying (should I say Carrie-ing?) around a variety of fears – and therefore also often aggression. And, yes, a lot of beneficial emotions are locked up behind those invisible doors. Thank you… Read more »
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