The Act of Falling
She is searching for the chocolate cupcake (185×1=185 calories) she swore not to touch till Saturday, ignoring the voice of reason inside herself.
Stop living in denial. You’ve got to stop.
A bite. Then one more. Another one. Just one more…
Don’t forget your diet schedule. Remember what happened last time?
Flashes of a memory: shoving two fingers down the throat, retching and panting and heaving until the three pastries (650×3=1950 calories) float away in the drain. The act of emptying oneself.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five bites, two tears escaping from eyes squeezed shut. It is hard to forget, even when you have chocolate melting on your tongue.
A memory persisting, the voice screaming at her to stop…
She rushes to the sink and spits, gargling until she senses the taste of water replacing everything. She sighs softly, but it is a measured sigh, meant for the unseen observer, expressing a regret she does not really feel.
Too soon, it is that time of the day.
She wants to escape outside of herself, fly away from her own thoughts, with a feather-like and small body. She watches herself through the eyes of another, soaring across infinity, beautiful and unattainable. She is Icarus, her wings burning in the sun’s fire; she is a fallen angel, drowning in a terrifying ecstasy as she descends towards sin. She is falling, but she is untethered. Unleashed. Free.
She returns to her body, bound in flesh and bone she will leave behind someday.
For now, she holds her breath and steps onto the weighing machine.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleI can really relate to that broken resolve to stick with a diet 🙁 So well written, I can feel her pain, and in my mind I’m telling her she is beautiful, no matter what size! And reminding myself that the same applies 🙂 Well done, Pragya!
Thank you so much, Sandra! The fact that you read and enjoyed it truly means a lot to me.
Oh! The agony of diets and other resolves, brings back memories from some of my childhood friends who gave up sweets for lent, and the look on their faces when they saw others eating sweets. Well written Pragya.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThanks a ton, Eric. I’m so grateful that you always compliment each story I write. 🙂
With your clear way of creating a visual image, you make it easy for the readers to put themselves in your protagonist’s shoes, Pragya. Her inner reasoning also feels very genuine. I especially liked the expressions “meant for the unseen observer,” and the last line, where she “holds her breath and steps on the weighing machine.” Very nice!
Thank you so much, Christer! It’s inexpressibly validating to read this comment. 🙂
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleI love it, Pragya. Your story is very relatable, I can feel all the pain of your protagonist. It is not easy when you are on a diet. Well-written.
Thank you tons, Lotchie. That means a lot!
You’re welcome.
Comments without a personalized avatar will not be published.
To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleWell written story Pragya, and such an awful situation. The fear of solving her dietary problems by becoming bulimic is palpable. I think many of us have fallen into the ‘just one more bite’ trap and then regret it afterwards. It’s so hard trying to fit in with societies expectations, hard to accept the way you are. You have tackled the subject with an honest sensitivity. Nicely done.
That means so much. Thanks a ton, Carrie!