For the Life of Me I Promise to Give It Back
For the life of me I promise to give it back.
No matter what it takes, I’ll bring it back.
I took it in the first place.
It is my fault. This is how I apologise.
So please.
Take mine. Take all of mine and bring hers back.
I give you mine in exchange for hers.
Light up her candle and blow away mine.
Start her song and put a stop to mine.
Set her soul free and take mine captive instead.
Let her enter once again and I’ll take a step outside.
Light up her eyes again.
The breath I took away from her. Give it back.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThis taut plea conveys genuine desperation and the magnitude of a loss that is never named, in addition to a futile impulse to bargain with the universe.
Thank you so so much!
A very different approach to the theme, Lydia, and it works. So many questions. Who, why, what? My mind is racing thinking of all the possibilities. Well done!
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleSo glad it worked, I am so surprised myself.
Your story is not just about a mystery, it IS a mystery! I’ve always admired your unique writing style and this one is no exception. Intriguing, compelling, creating its own rhythm and form, it stays with the reader for quite a while. Good job!
Thank you so much for your continuous support and guidance. I truly appreciate your feedback
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThere are a lot of emotions embedded in this prayer- and poetry-like story, Lydia. As Sandra and Fuji already have pointed out, it leaves the reader with a lot of questions, such as wondering if it is to God that the words are directed, after the protagonist has done something he/she desperately regrets. Very powerful!
Thank you for reading, I appreciate the kind words.
Wow. Great, Lydia. Your story is very mysterious. And I really ask myself who, what, and why. But I want to make my assumption: I think that your protagonist is a mother who lost her child due to her negligence. That is the reason why she asks God to take her life in exchange for the life of her child. Good job for making us think of all the possibilities.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleAm so happy you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading.
You’re welcome, Lydia.
Congratulations Lydia. An original take on the prompt.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThank you so much!
Congratulations, Lydia! This left me wondering too, about what happened to bring your protagonist to this point of desperation. Well done.
Am so glad you liked it, I appreciate the kind words.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleCongratulations Lydia, an emotional and intriguing story.
Thank you for reading!
Hello again, Lydia. What an honor to have been chosen as the winner, with all these incredible Mystery stories to choose from! I agree with Dr. Ross – there is genuine desperation and an overwhelming sense of loss and grief. I don’t feel the need to know any back story, in fact, I like not knowing. What matters is the emotion itself. We can each picture our own backstory that makes the… Read more »
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleAm in such awe honestly, I have been absent all these days since I was vacationing in a village with no internet connection and I come back to this, truly grateful. Thank you again.
Lydia, this story is indeed a mystery. A very different approach to the theme. Short but deep. Congratulations on your win.
I really appreciate your comment, thank you.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleCongratulations on your grand prize win, Lydia.
Thank you so much!!
You’re welcome.
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