For the life of me I promise to give it back.

No matter what it takes, I’ll bring it back.

I took it in the first place.

It is my fault. This is how I apologise.

So please.

Take mine. Take all of mine and bring hers back.

I give you mine in exchange for hers.

Light up her candle and blow away mine.

Start her song and put a stop to mine.

Set her soul free and take mine captive instead.

Let her enter once again and I’ll take a step outside.

Light up her eyes again.

The breath I took away from her. Give it back.

5 1 vote
Post Rating
24 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
David Ross
David Ross(@david-ross)
1 year ago

This taut plea conveys genuine desperation and the magnitude of a loss that is never named, in addition to a futile impulse to bargain with the universe. 

Last edited 1 year ago by David Ross
Sandra James
Sandra James(@sandra-james)
1 year ago

A very different approach to the theme, Lydia, and it works. So many questions. Who, why, what? My mind is racing thinking of all the possibilities. Well done!

Fuji
Fuji(@fuji)
1 year ago

Your story is not just about a mystery, it IS a mystery! I’ve always admired your unique writing style and this one is no exception. Intriguing, compelling, creating its own rhythm and form, it stays with the reader for quite a while. Good job!

Christer Norrlof
Christer Norrlof(@christer-norrlof)
1 year ago

There are a lot of emotions embedded in this prayer- and poetry-like story, Lydia. As Sandra and Fuji already have pointed out, it leaves the reader with a lot of questions, such as wondering if it is to God that the words are directed, after the protagonist has done something he/she desperately regrets. Very powerful!

Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
1 year ago

Wow. Great, Lydia. Your story is very mysterious. And I really ask myself who, what, and why. But I want to make my assumption: I think that your protagonist is a mother who lost her child due to her negligence. That is the reason why she asks God to take her life in exchange for the life of her child. Good job for making us think of all the possibilities. 

Last edited 1 year ago by Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
Reply to  Lydia E Atzemian
1 year ago

You’re welcome, Lydia.

Carrie OLeary
Carrie OLeary(@carrie-oleary)
1 year ago

Congratulations Lydia. An original take on the prompt.

Marianna Pieterse
Marianna Pieterse(@marianna-pieterse)
1 year ago

Congratulations, Lydia! This left me wondering too, about what happened to bring your protagonist to this point of desperation. Well done.

Linda Rock
Linda Rock(@linda-rock)
1 year ago

Congratulations Lydia, an emotional and intriguing story.

Fuji
Fuji(@fuji)
1 year ago

Hello again, Lydia. What an honor to have been chosen as the winner, with all these incredible Mystery stories to choose from! I agree with Dr. Ross – there is genuine desperation and an overwhelming sense of loss and grief. I don’t feel the need to know any back story, in fact, I like not knowing. What matters is the emotion itself. We can each picture our own backstory that makes the… Read more »

Thompson Emate
Thompson Emate(@thompson-emate)
1 year ago

Lydia, this story is indeed a mystery. A very different approach to the theme. Short but deep. Congratulations on your win.

Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
1 year ago

Congratulations on your grand prize win, Lydia.

Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
Reply to  Lydia E Atzemian
1 year ago

You’re welcome.

Recent Comments

24
0
Selected Authors may submit comments (5 Credits)x
()
x
Scroll to Top

Sharing a Post

Why do my friends need to SignIn to read the post I shared?

Actually, this is a voting security feature. During public voting, only club members can read posts submitted for that contest. Since anyone reading the story is able to vote (click the Like button), we reserve these capabilities to members who SignIn. Before we implemented this security feature, people were voting multiple times and making the public voting process unfair and out of balance. To fix this, our staff finally decided to allow only members who SignIn to read the stories. Membership is free and easy, and ensures our club is safe, secure, and family-friendly!