For the life of me I promise to give it back.

No matter what it takes, I’ll bring it back.

I took it in the first place.

It is my fault. This is how I apologise.

So please.

Take mine. Take all of mine and bring hers back.

I give you mine in exchange for hers.

Light up her candle and blow away mine.

Start her song and put a stop to mine.

Set her soul free and take mine captive instead.

Let her enter once again and I’ll take a step outside.

Light up her eyes again.

The breath I took away from her. Give it back.

5 1 vote
Post Rating

Help support our family-friendly mission
Buy our Kindle Book- or -Become a Patron

24 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
David Ross
David Ross (@david-ross)
1 month ago

This taut plea conveys genuine desperation and the magnitude of a loss that is never named, in addition to a futile impulse to bargain with the universe. 

Last edited 1 month ago by David Ross
Sandra James
Sandra James (@sandra-james)
1 month ago

A very different approach to the theme, Lydia, and it works. So many questions. Who, why, what? My mind is racing thinking of all the possibilities. Well done!

Fuji
Fuji (@fuji)
1 month ago

Your story is not just about a mystery, it IS a mystery! I’ve always admired your unique writing style and this one is no exception. Intriguing, compelling, creating its own rhythm and form, it stays with the reader for quite a while. Good job!

Help support our family-friendly mission
Buy our Kindle Book- or -Become a Patron

Christer Norrlof
Christer Norrlof (@christer-norrlof)
1 month ago

There are a lot of emotions embedded in this prayer- and poetry-like story, Lydia. As Sandra and Fuji already have pointed out, it leaves the reader with a lot of questions, such as wondering if it is to God that the words are directed, after the protagonist has done something he/she desperately regrets. Very powerful!

Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo (@lotchie-carmelo)
1 month ago

Wow. Great, Lydia. Your story is very mysterious. And I really ask myself who, what, and why. But I want to make my assumption: I think that your protagonist is a mother who lost her child due to her negligence. That is the reason why she asks God to take her life in exchange for the life of her child. Good job for making us think of all the possibilities. 

Last edited 1 month ago by Lotchie Carmelo

Help support our family-friendly mission
Buy our Kindle Book- or -Become a Patron

Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo (@lotchie-carmelo)
22 days ago

You’re welcome, Lydia.

Carrie OLeary
Carrie OLeary (@carrie-oleary)
1 month ago

Congratulations Lydia. An original take on the prompt.

Marianna Pieterse
Marianna Pieterse (@marianna-pieterse)
1 month ago

Congratulations, Lydia! This left me wondering too, about what happened to bring your protagonist to this point of desperation. Well done.

Help support our family-friendly mission
Buy our Kindle Book- or -Become a Patron

Linda Rock
Linda Rock (@linda-rock)
1 month ago

Congratulations Lydia, an emotional and intriguing story.

Fuji
Fuji (@fuji)
1 month ago

Hello again, Lydia. What an honor to have been chosen as the winner, with all these incredible Mystery stories to choose from! I agree with Dr. Ross – there is genuine desperation and an overwhelming sense of loss and grief. I don’t feel the need to know any back story, in fact, I like not knowing. What matters is the emotion itself. We can each picture our own backstory that makes the story our own. To me the mark of a superb story is leaving a lot of questions for the reader to ponder and come back to again and again. Excellent writing as usual, Lydia.

Thompson Emate
Thompson Emate (@thompson-emate)
1 month ago

Lydia, this story is indeed a mystery. A very different approach to the theme. Short but deep. Congratulations on your win.

Help support our family-friendly mission
Buy our Kindle Book- or -Become a Patron

Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo (@lotchie-carmelo)
1 month ago

Congratulations on your grand prize win, Lydia.

Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo (@lotchie-carmelo)
22 days ago

You’re welcome.

Most Voted Comments

Avatar
8

Bait

It takes a real talent to tell a story in ...
  • 10 months ago by Eric Radcliffe

Avatar
6

Endure and Sing

Inspirational piece. Am glad you picked the rat to be ...
  • 1 year ago by Leena Auckel

Avatar
6

Endure and Sing

Such a sweet tale – and with a good moral ...
  • 1 year ago by Fuji

Avatar
5

Endure and Sing

Wow! This is a good story! Really good to read ...
  • 1 year ago by Lyric The Great

Avatar
4

Endure and Sing

Hi Katy, it really does add an extra dimension to ...
  • 11 months ago by Eric Radcliffe

Avatar
4

Endure and Sing

In my neighboring country Denmark, we have the classical storyteller ...
  • 11 months ago by Christer Norrlof

Avatar
4

Endure and Sing

A really nice one with a wonderful story line. I ...
  • 1 year ago by Thompson Emate

Avatar
4

Endure and Sing

A beautiful story! I was reminded of seeing Paul Potts ...
  • 1 year ago by Sandra James

Avatar
4

Endure and Sing

Your story inspired me to keep going no matter how ...
  • 1 year ago by musing mind

Avatar
4

Endure and Sing

Thank you so much for the feedback! I pray that ...
  • 1 year ago by Katy Bizi

Avatar
4

Endure and Sing

Thank you for taking the time to comment and convey ...
  • 1 year ago by Katy Bizi

Avatar
4

Endure and Sing

Hi Katy, don’t we all feel like the rat in ...
  • 1 year ago by Eric Radcliffe

Avatar
4

Vows

I must admit it was the picture of the church, ...
  • 1 year ago by Fuji

Avatar
3

In Memoriam

It’s terrible to lose someone you love and accept that ...
  • 4 months ago by Brigitta Hegyi

Avatar
3

The Problem with Women

I think Carrie has said it all. We rest our ...
  • 5 months ago by Fuji

Avatar
3

The Fisherman and the Sea

A good story with a strong message. The time has ...
  • 6 months ago by Paramita Guha Naskar

Avatar
3

The Fisherman and the Sea

It is giving me great joy to read such beautiful ...
  • 6 months ago by Dipayan Chakrabarti

Avatar
3

Voice.club 2020 Year In Review – OPEN

The New Year has always been a time for reflection, ...
  • 8 months ago by Eric Radcliffe

Mary Kot
3

Endure and Sing

I wish all of us were more like this little ...
  • 8 months ago by Mary Kot

Avatar
3

Endure and Sing

I’m really glad to hear that! Leena Auckel did an ...
  • 11 months ago by Katy Bizi

Recent Comments

Become a PatronHelp support our family-friendly mission

Contest – CLOSED – Scary

24
0
Selected Authors may submit comments (5 Credits)x
()
x
Scroll to Top

Sharing a Post

Why do my friends need to SignIn to read the post I shared?

Actually, this is a voting security feature. Only club members can read posts submitted into a contest. Since anyone reading the story is able to vote (click the Like button), we reserve these capabilities to members who SignIn. Before we implemented this security feature, people were voting multiple times and making the public voting process unfair and out of balance. To fix this, our staff finally decided to allow only members who SignIn to read the stories. Membership is free and easy, and ensures our club is safe, secure, and family-friendly!

Gems Stories are public:  On the other hand the Gem stories are different, since there is no voting on Gems. During a Gem event, your friends and fans can come on and read without a SignIn. This is one of the great advantages of the Gem events.