For the life of me I promise to give it back.

No matter what it takes, I’ll bring it back.

I took it in the first place.

It is my fault. This is how I apologise.

So please.

Take mine. Take all of mine and bring hers back.

I give you mine in exchange for hers.

Light up her candle and blow away mine.

Start her song and put a stop to mine.

Set her soul free and take mine captive instead.

Let her enter once again and I’ll take a step outside.

Light up her eyes again.

The breath I took away from her. Give it back.

5 1 vote
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David Ross
David Ross (@david-ross)
5 months ago

This taut plea conveys genuine desperation and the magnitude of a loss that is never named, in addition to a futile impulse to bargain with the universe. 

Last edited 5 months ago by David Ross
Sandra James
Sandra James (@sandra-james)
5 months ago

A very different approach to the theme, Lydia, and it works. So many questions. Who, why, what? My mind is racing thinking of all the possibilities. Well done!

Fuji
Fuji (@fuji)
5 months ago

Your story is not just about a mystery, it IS a mystery! I’ve always admired your unique writing style and this one is no exception. Intriguing, compelling, creating its own rhythm and form, it stays with the reader for quite a while. Good job!

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Christer Norrlof
Christer Norrlof (@christer-norrlof)
5 months ago

There are a lot of emotions embedded in this prayer- and poetry-like story, Lydia. As Sandra and Fuji already have pointed out, it leaves the reader with a lot of questions, such as wondering if it is to God that the words are directed, after the protagonist has done something he/she desperately regrets. Very powerful!

Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo (@lotchie-carmelo)
5 months ago

Wow. Great, Lydia. Your story is very mysterious. And I really ask myself who, what, and why. But I want to make my assumption: I think that your protagonist is a mother who lost her child due to her negligence. That is the reason why she asks God to take her life in exchange for the life of her child. Good job for making us think of all the possibilities. 

Last edited 5 months ago by Lotchie Carmelo
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Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo (@lotchie-carmelo)
4 months ago

You’re welcome, Lydia.

Carrie OLeary
Carrie OLeary (@carrie-oleary)
5 months ago

Congratulations Lydia. An original take on the prompt.

Marianna Pieterse
Marianna Pieterse (@marianna-pieterse)
5 months ago

Congratulations, Lydia! This left me wondering too, about what happened to bring your protagonist to this point of desperation. Well done.

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Linda Rock
Linda Rock (@linda-rock)
5 months ago

Congratulations Lydia, an emotional and intriguing story.

Fuji
Fuji (@fuji)
5 months ago

Hello again, Lydia. What an honor to have been chosen as the winner, with all these incredible Mystery stories to choose from! I agree with Dr. Ross – there is genuine desperation and an overwhelming sense of loss and grief. I don’t feel the need to know any back story, in fact, I like not knowing. What matters is the emotion itself. We can each picture our own backstory that makes the story our own. To me the mark of a superb story is leaving a lot of questions for the reader to ponder and come back to again and again. Excellent writing as usual, Lydia.

Thompson Emate
Thompson Emate (@thompson-emate)
5 months ago

Lydia, this story is indeed a mystery. A very different approach to the theme. Short but deep. Congratulations on your win.

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Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo (@lotchie-carmelo)
5 months ago

Congratulations on your grand prize win, Lydia.

Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo (@lotchie-carmelo)
4 months ago

You’re welcome.

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