For the life of me I promise to give it back.

No matter what it takes, I’ll bring it back.

I took it in the first place.

It is my fault. This is how I apologise.

So please.

Take mine. Take all of mine and bring hers back.

I give you mine in exchange for hers.

Light up her candle and blow away mine.

Start her song and put a stop to mine.

Set her soul free and take mine captive instead.

Let her enter once again and I’ll take a step outside.

Light up her eyes again.

The breath I took away from her. Give it back.

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    David Ross
    David Ross(@david-ross)
    2 years ago

    This taut plea conveys genuine desperation and the magnitude of a loss that is never named, in addition to a futile impulse to bargain with the universe. 

    Last edited 2 years ago by David Ross
    Sandra James
    Sandra James(@sandra-james)
    2 years ago

    A very different approach to the theme, Lydia, and it works. So many questions. Who, why, what? My mind is racing thinking of all the possibilities. Well done!

    Fuji
    Fuji(@fuji)
    2 years ago

    Your story is not just about a mystery, it IS a mystery! I’ve always admired your unique writing style and this one is no exception. Intriguing, compelling, creating its own rhythm and form, it stays with the reader for quite a while. Good job!

    Christer Norrlof
    Christer Norrlof(@christer-norrlof)
    2 years ago

    There are a lot of emotions embedded in this prayer- and poetry-like story, Lydia. As Sandra and Fuji already have pointed out, it leaves the reader with a lot of questions, such as wondering if it is to God that the words are directed, after the protagonist has done something he/she desperately regrets. Very powerful!

    Lotchie Carmelo
    Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
    2 years ago

    Wow. Great, Lydia. Your story is very mysterious. And I really ask myself who, what, and why. But I want to make my assumption: I think that your protagonist is a mother who lost her child due to her negligence. That is the reason why she asks God to take her life in exchange for the life of her child. Good job for making us think of all the possibilities. 

    Last edited 2 years ago by Lotchie Carmelo
    Lotchie Carmelo
    Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
    Reply to  Lydia E Atzemian
    2 years ago

    You’re welcome, Lydia.

    Carrie OLeary
    Carrie OLeary(@carrie-oleary)
    2 years ago

    Congratulations Lydia. An original take on the prompt.

    Marianna Pieterse
    Marianna Pieterse(@marianna-pieterse)
    2 years ago

    Congratulations, Lydia! This left me wondering too, about what happened to bring your protagonist to this point of desperation. Well done.

    Linda Rock
    Linda Rock(@linda-rock)
    2 years ago

    Congratulations Lydia, an emotional and intriguing story.

    Fuji
    Fuji(@fuji)
    2 years ago

    Hello again, Lydia. What an honor to have been chosen as the winner, with all these incredible Mystery stories to choose from! I agree with Dr. Ross – there is genuine desperation and an overwhelming sense of loss and grief. I don’t feel the need to know any back story, in fact, I like not knowing. What matters is the emotion itself. We can each picture our own backstory that makes the… Read more »

    Thompson Emate
    Thompson Emate(@thompson-emate)
    2 years ago

    Lydia, this story is indeed a mystery. A very different approach to the theme. Short but deep. Congratulations on your win.

    Lotchie Carmelo
    Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
    2 years ago

    Congratulations on your grand prize win, Lydia.

    Lotchie Carmelo
    Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
    Reply to  Lydia E Atzemian
    2 years ago

    You’re welcome.

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