His left leg is trapped, the broken beam pushes hard against his splintered bone. The blast has affected his hearing and he lies among the ruins of his home savoring the silence.

For days the noise had been relentless; there was relief when the bomb hit.

If he turns slightly, a shard of filtered light will show him that his family is dead, but there is no need to look, he knows this already in his heart.

So he lies quietly, shattered and broken, in the dust and destruction of his home, praying for death to arrive before the rescuers.

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Carrie OLeary
Carrie OLeary (@carrie-oleary)
1 month ago

I can’t imagine being trapped, broken, in a building after an explosion. Being trapped with your family and knowing they are all dead is incomprehensible. I think it would take real strength from your protagonist to come out of that situation and continue to live his life, if he is rescued. Well described. Good job!

Last edited 1 month ago by Carrie OLeary
Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo (@lotchie-carmelo)
1 month ago

You describe your story well, Mary. If I were the character of your story, I would rather die than live with broken parts and without a family. That would be pathetic life and full of grief if I continued. But anyway, only the powerful above can decide whether He will let me die or let me live. 

Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo (@lotchie-carmelo)
1 month ago
Reply to  Mary Wallace

I agree, Mary.

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Christer Norrlof
Christer Norrlof (@christer-norrlof)
1 month ago

You manage to get the reader to accept things which go against normal logic: to be deaf is better than to listen to a terrible noise for days, and to die is better than to live when everything is taken away from you. Other clever contradictions are first the title itself, which seems to portray something harmonious and attractive while here being about the effects of a bomb, and then the filtered light surrounding him which normally would symbolize something positive, but in this case would show him his dead family. It’s a very powerful text.

Thompson Emate
Thompson Emate (@thompson-emate)
1 month ago

What a very sad story. I indeed sympathise with the boy. He should please hold on and not give up. He’ll get through it.

Sandra James
Sandra James (@sandra-james)
1 month ago

Beautifully written about an horrific situation, Mary. I was reminded of Stuart Diver and the Thredbo avalanche. Sadly, after surviving and losing his wife, his second wife died of cancer. An amazing man and I’m sure he went through similar emotions to your protagonist. Well done  ? 

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