Frozen in Fear
Paul stands outside the door, frozen in fear. His nightly dreams have held excitement, drama, fulfillment, but never this fear. There has never even been a Halloween which brought such fear. When his friends scoffed at him – “You’ll never last an hour!” “You’ll never even make it through the door!” – Paul had persisted.
The wind outside whips angrily around the building, moaning in solidarity with Paul’s feelings. The sun hides behind clouds, as a frightened child reluctantly disappears behind the back of a glowering parent.
Dark and gloom hold sway over all, the heaviness reflecting the heaviness of Paul’s heart.
His senses begin to overwhelm him. The sounds from behind the door – screeching, high-pitched, unearthly sounds, permeate his brain until his very being is chilled. The odors – not exactly offensive, yet reminiscent of long-buried childhood memories – assail him. Paul can taste fear on his tongue as his eyesight tries unsuccessfully to assure normalcy.
Nothing here is normal.
He knows in his heart that completing this task will not only raise his standing in his friends’ eyes but will bring him one step closer to conquering all other fears. If he can just do this . . .
Taking a deep breath, Paul places his sweaty, trembling hand on the doorknob, opens the door and tentatively enters the room.
“Good morning, students. Welcome to your first day of Middle School.”
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleSusan, I absolutely love this story. The first reading had me shivering and shaking until the last line when I laughed out loud. But on consecutive readings the line that always gives me the giggles is “The sounds from behind the door – screeching, high-pitched, unearthly sounds, permeate his brain until his very being is chilled.” Years ago, I was composer-in-residence at a Middle School nearby. I worked twice a week for… Read more »
Your story had me gripped throughout, Susan. The build up in the tension had me on the edge of my seat, all the way through to the immensely fun twist at the end. Nicely done.
Thank you, Carrie, for your comments. Twists are always fun to write, I’m glad the writing built in tension -that makes the twist even more enjoyable. Thanks again.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleI love the twist at the end, Susan. Heart was racing throughout, I can’t say it stopped at the end for me either. Middle school, and its first day, can be tough. Great work!
Thanks, Melissa, for your kind comments. Heart racing is one thing, but I’m glad you came out the other side of Middle School unscathed! Thanks again for reading my story.
Wow! The genius of making and creating the story. I was also trembling with fear as I read your story, Susan. Then I suddenly laughed at the twist of the ending. Good job.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleGreat play on our perceived image of a horror story. Great and humorous twist in the last line. Really unexpected, well done Miss Susan.
Your flash fiction brought back a horrid memory of when I actually had an anxiety attack teaching ESL to adults. Teaching Middle School must be far more scary, though.
This Paul was with your Paul every step of the way! Nice build up and then as everyone has said a fun twist that changed perception of everything that had gone on before.
As a retired teacher, I should have been prepared for the twist at the end of the story. But just like everybody else, I was totally surprised. When I read the story a second time, I had a big smile on my face, remembering the horror of entering a classroom filled with noisy kids. Terrible! Great job, Susan!
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleP.S. I wanted to ask you about the picture, Susan. Is that meant to illustrate Paul’s failing eye-sight?
Thank you, Christer, for empathizing with my character. I, also, am a retired teacher, and saw much of this around me although my husband always accused me of skipping down the hall with joy on opening day of school. The picture came from my photography repertoire and was the one best depicting uncertainty or the unknown. It does, however, fit Paul’s eyesight! Good insight.
Well done, Susan. A great surprise ending and one many can identify with as a very scary experience!
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThank you, Sandra, for your kind remarks. I feel this is a quite common feeling, one that I could see and sympathize with even if I didn’t feel that way. Now I should write one from the student’s point of view! I’ll save that for someone else.
The fear in the story involves the mind, but the reader can breathe freely and can feel relief at the end. Excellent!
I prefer for my readers to breathe freely upon finishing the story, not go to bed at night with an unknown fear. Thanks for your comments and for reading my story,
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleYou’re welcome.