The shooter eyed his mark.

Shut out the chaos.

Devoted attention.

Prostrate on broken concrete, he meticulously assessed the target.

His index finger and thumb twitched with anticipation.

Onlookers stood motionless.

He shot but missed. Pained exclamation between his teeth.

Others knew the stakes became perilously high.

Another youngster, hands deep in his pockets caressing his loved possession, lined up to take his turn. Tangible concentration.

On his haunches, he flicked his prized Blue-Eyed marble knocking several out of the circle.

On the playground, jubilantly, he rattled Onion Skin, End of Day, Opaque and Mica marbles lovingly in his hands.

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Voice-Team
Voice-Team(@voice-team)
Admin
4 months ago

Wonderfully crafted story! The terse writing leads reader into a soldier’s or hunter’s mind. All the signs are there – the tension, the uncertainty, then the revelation: a simple game of marbles! Would that all thoughts of violence turn to child’s play and laughter. Quite enjoyable.

Emily O'Leary
Emily O'Leary(@emily-oleary)
4 months ago

I really liked this Margarida! The way it became something so different to what I’d first anticipated, and so smoothly too! Well written, and great tension!

A note for Voice.club — for some reason the banner at the top says this is under the “secret wish” competition!

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Voice-Team
Voice-Team(@voice-team)
Admin
Reply to  Emily O'Leary
4 months ago

Thanks for your sharp eyes, Emily. Fixed!

Emily O'Leary
Emily O'Leary(@emily-oleary)
Reply to  Voice-Team
4 months ago

No problem at all!

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Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
4 months ago

Hello, Margarida. Great writing and nice build-up of tension. Well done.

Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
Reply to  Margarida Brei
4 months ago

You are welcome, Margarida.

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Christer Norrlof
Christer Norrlof(@christer-norrlof)
4 months ago

I agree with Emily that you managed to lead the reader in one direction, Margarida, only to surprise us at the end of the story. Very well done!
The names given to the marbles remind me when my son introduced me to all his marble-friends. It was an unknown world to me!

Linda Rock
Linda Rock(@linda-rock)
4 months ago

You certainly had me fooled with this story, Margarida! Very cleverly done and a really imaginative take on the prompt! Love that the marbles all had individual, colour-related, names, something I have learned! Excellent!

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Sandra James
Sandra James(@sandra-james)
4 months ago

I really like this story, Margarida. So well written I felt I was standing there watching the challenge. It brings back so many childhood memories of my late brother playing marbles. A wonderful interpretation of the prompt. And, coincidently, I prepared a prompt sheet for my writing group earlier in the week using ‘marbles’ as the topic 🙂

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Carrie OLeary
Carrie OLeary(@carrie-oleary)
4 months ago

Super story, Margarida. I loved the way you smoothly changed the whole feel of the story, convincing the reader at the beginning that there is murder afoot. Very nicely done

Melissa Taggart
Melissa Taggart(@melissa-taggart)
4 months ago

Congratulations, Margarida! A well-deserved win for a talented writer!

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Linda Rock
Linda Rock(@linda-rock)
4 months ago

Congratulations Margarida! Your story was one of my favourites, a well-deserved win!

Susan Dawson
Susan Dawson(@susan-dawson)
4 months ago

Very clever! and well done

Christer Norrlof
Christer Norrlof(@christer-norrlof)
4 months ago

Congratulations, Margarida, to the success with your wonderful story!

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Shobana Gomes
Shobana Gomes(@shobana-gomes)
4 months ago

Margarida, you captured the essence of suspense in a few lines exceptionally. As I read the story, the character portrayed remarkable precision in his feat. Kudos to you.

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Sandra James
Sandra James(@sandra-james)
4 months ago

Well done, Margarida! Enjoy your well-deserved time up there on Cloud Nine. A wonderful story and I’m thrilled for you  💛 

Heather Chrzanowski
Heather Chrzanowski(@heather-chrzanowski)
4 months ago

Margarida, congratulations!! This story was amazing! I really enjoyed reading it! Congrats on your big win! 😊

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Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
3 months ago

Wow! Congratulations, Margarida. I am so much happy for your achievement.

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Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
Reply to  Margarida Brei
3 months ago

You’re welcome, Margarida. How’s the celebration of your win?

Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
Reply to  Margarida Brei
3 months ago

Wow!
That’s exciting, Margarida. Good luck.

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