The shooter eyed his mark.

Shut out the chaos.

Devoted attention.

Prostrate on broken concrete, he meticulously assessed the target.

His index finger and thumb twitched with anticipation.

Onlookers stood motionless.

He shot but missed. Pained exclamation between his teeth.

Others knew the stakes became perilously high.

Another youngster, hands deep in his pockets caressing his loved possession, lined up to take his turn. Tangible concentration.

On his haunches, he flicked his prized Blue-Eyed marble knocking several out of the circle.

On the playground, jubilantly, he rattled Onion Skin, End of Day, Opaque and Mica marbles lovingly in his hands.

    0 0 votes
    Post Rating
    34 Comments
    Oldest
    Newest Most Voted
    Inline Feedbacks
    View all comments
    Voice-Team
    Voice-Team(@voice-team)
    Admin
    1 year ago

    Wonderfully crafted story! The terse writing leads reader into a soldier’s or hunter’s mind. All the signs are there – the tension, the uncertainty, then the revelation: a simple game of marbles! Would that all thoughts of violence turn to child’s play and laughter. Quite enjoyable.

    Emily O'Leary
    Emily O'Leary(@emily-oleary)
    1 year ago

    I really liked this Margarida! The way it became something so different to what I’d first anticipated, and so smoothly too! Well written, and great tension!

    A note for Voice.club — for some reason the banner at the top says this is under the “secret wish” competition!

    Voice-Team
    Voice-Team(@voice-team)
    Admin
    Reply to  Emily O'Leary
    1 year ago

    Thanks for your sharp eyes, Emily. Fixed!

    Emily O'Leary
    Emily O'Leary(@emily-oleary)
    Reply to  Voice-Team
    1 year ago

    No problem at all!

    Lotchie Carmelo
    Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
    1 year ago

    Hello, Margarida. Great writing and nice build-up of tension. Well done.

    Lotchie Carmelo
    Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
    Reply to  Margarida Brei
    1 year ago

    You are welcome, Margarida.

    Christer Norrlof
    Christer Norrlof(@christer-norrlof)
    1 year ago

    I agree with Emily that you managed to lead the reader in one direction, Margarida, only to surprise us at the end of the story. Very well done!
    The names given to the marbles remind me when my son introduced me to all his marble-friends. It was an unknown world to me!

    Linda Rock
    Linda Rock(@linda-rock)
    1 year ago

    You certainly had me fooled with this story, Margarida! Very cleverly done and a really imaginative take on the prompt! Love that the marbles all had individual, colour-related, names, something I have learned! Excellent!

    Sandra James
    Sandra James(@sandra-james)
    1 year ago

    I really like this story, Margarida. So well written I felt I was standing there watching the challenge. It brings back so many childhood memories of my late brother playing marbles. A wonderful interpretation of the prompt. And, coincidently, I prepared a prompt sheet for my writing group earlier in the week using ‘marbles’ as the topic 🙂

    Carrie OLeary
    Carrie OLeary(@carrie-oleary)
    1 year ago

    Super story, Margarida. I loved the way you smoothly changed the whole feel of the story, convincing the reader at the beginning that there is murder afoot. Very nicely done

    Melissa Taggart
    Melissa Taggart(@melissa-taggart)
    1 year ago

    Congratulations, Margarida! A well-deserved win for a talented writer!

    Linda Rock
    Linda Rock(@linda-rock)
    1 year ago

    Congratulations Margarida! Your story was one of my favourites, a well-deserved win!

    Susan Dawson
    Susan Dawson(@susan-dawson)
    1 year ago

    Very clever! and well done

    Christer Norrlof
    Christer Norrlof(@christer-norrlof)
    1 year ago

    Congratulations, Margarida, to the success with your wonderful story!

    Shobana Gomes
    Shobana Gomes(@shobana-gomes)
    1 year ago

    Margarida, you captured the essence of suspense in a few lines exceptionally. As I read the story, the character portrayed remarkable precision in his feat. Kudos to you.

    Sandra James
    Sandra James(@sandra-james)
    1 year ago

    Well done, Margarida! Enjoy your well-deserved time up there on Cloud Nine. A wonderful story and I’m thrilled for you  ? 

    Heather Chrzanowski
    Heather Chrzanowski(@heather-chrzanowski)
    1 year ago

    Margarida, congratulations!! This story was amazing! I really enjoyed reading it! Congrats on your big win! ?

    Lotchie Carmelo
    Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
    1 year ago

    Wow! Congratulations, Margarida. I am so much happy for your achievement.

    Lotchie Carmelo
    Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
    Reply to  Margarida Brei
    1 year ago

    You’re welcome, Margarida. How’s the celebration of your win?

    Lotchie Carmelo
    Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
    Reply to  Margarida Brei
    1 year ago

    Wow!
    That’s exciting, Margarida. Good luck.

    Recent Comments

    34
    0
    Selected Authors may submit comments (5 Credits)x
    ()
    x
    Scroll to Top

    Sharing a Post

    Why do my friends need to SignIn to read the post I shared?

    Actually, this is a voting security feature. During public voting, only club members can read posts submitted for that contest. Since anyone reading the story is able to vote (click the Like button), we reserve these capabilities to members who SignIn. Before we implemented this security feature, people were voting multiple times and making the public voting process unfair and out of balance. To fix this, our staff finally decided to allow only members who SignIn to read the stories. Membership is free and easy, and ensures our club is safe, secure, and family-friendly!