If my mother had lived, I would not be princess of sorrow.
If my father had not remarried, I would not be stepdaughter of despair.
If my father had not died, I would not be child of angst.
If my step-sisters had not been so cruel, I would not be waif of drudgery.
If my fairy-god mother had not wished me to the ball, I would not be the pawn of midnight.
I fear midnight! Midnight will crumble my gorgeous gown to rags, quash my coach to pumpkin purée, and obliterate me to a mangy servant despised by Prince Charming.