The Midnight Train
His bag was packed and stashed inside the hallway cupboard.
Standing by the bed, he watched her sleep. He did love her… just not enough.
Not enough to compete with the constant feeling of being stifled, trapped and robbed of his freedom. Feelings that were just too strong.
It was better this way. No lingering, sad goodbyes. He couldn’t bear to witness the pain in her eyes. The pain he’d seen in others… too many times. Those he’d loved and left.
When that midnight train called, he always answered.
Maybe one day its call would go unheeded. But not tonight.
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Linda, this is so sad. I hope your protagonist would find the one person who would make him stay. This sounds like a great start to a longer story!
Let’s hope so, Marianna! I will add this story to my ever growing list!
A well written story, Linda but, unlike Marianna, I feel so sorry for the girl he’s leaving behind. She may feel that she has the perfect man, but to wake up and find he’s done a flit in the night, well, I can’t imagine anything more selfish. Perhaps if you do extend it, one of his conquests wakes up as he’s leaving, follows him to the station and shoves him under that train 😂
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Bit harsh, Carrie! This story was inspired by the Paul Young song ‘Anywhere I Lay my Hat’ and if you watch the video on ‘YouTube’ you will see one of the women pulls a gun on him at the end! If you read my other story ‘Midnight Destiny’ you will see I’ve already almost killed off my protagonist! Didn’t want to make a habit of it! 😉
😂 I’m very much for woman power at the moment! I have no problem with them leaving if they’re not happy, but I feel so sorry for the woman who wakes up to find herself alone! I think she’ll feel very let down not to be told to her face. It must be because I was the one who had to pick up the pieces after it happened to someone close to me when I was thirteen!
That must have been hard, Carrie. My protagonist is definitely taking the easy way out although he will not be without guilt. And I do feel for the women he has left behind. There are no winners here.
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Lovely emotional story, Linda. It immediately reminded me of the Matt Munro ballad, ‘Softly, as I leave you.’ Pushed me to the teary border! Had to read it a couple of times more. First class work!
Aww, thank you, Allan! I just looked up the lyrics of that song – they fit my story perfectly! And you are too kind!
For those who don’t know the song..
Softly, I will leave you softly
For my heart would break if you should wake and see me go
So I leave you softly, long before you miss me
Long before your arms can beg me stay
For one more hour
Or one more day
After all the years, I can’t bear the tears to fall
So softly as I leave you there
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An emotional song, Allan. What year was it sung? I’ve never come across it before.
Hi Thompson. 1962 was the year this song came out. Matt Monro had a very difficult life, sometimes, so the emotions in many of his songs came from deep within.
The protagonist is rather fickle and selfish in his collection of love them and leave them. Good story, Linda.
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Thank you, Margarida! I’ve never written a story before whereby readers have had such conflicting ideas on the subject. Very interesting!
Hmmm.
Linda, this is an interesting one and emotional also. Why did he always leave? Is there anything about him that he is trying to enshroud? It seems there’s something dark about him.
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These are great questions, Thompson! If only I’d had more words to play with. Our past often defines our future as is the case with my protagonist. When I wrote that his feelings were too strong to fight, I’d hoped that would be enough for him to be viewed sympathetically. But as you can see from some of the other comments on here, I failed miserably! Lesson learnt!
I don’t think you failed at all, Linda. You tried to portray the man in a favorable, or at least understandable light – I got that. But I think too many of us women have been on the receiving end of similar experiences to be objective. Times are changing now, and women can also leave without saying good-bye! So now everyone can share in these terrible feelings of being left behind. 😊
Thank you, Juma, I appreciate what you say. Funnily enough a gentleman friend of mine said the same thing to me today… that it’s not just the men who leave without a goodbye nowadays.
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Oh! That is a too emotional read, Linda. Honestly, I have a deep sigh when I reach the last sentence of your story. Like Carrie, I also feel sorry for the girl he left behind but as I read your reply to Carrie I also understand his reason. Very well-written, Linda. I love it.
I’m so glad you enjoyed it, Lotchie! Yes, there are always two sides to the story! Thank you for your lovely comments, they mean a lot!
You are most welcome, Linda.
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Very emotional story Linda! I think the fact he’s left behind a string of women this way is a definite indicator that he’s suffering his own kind of trauma. I hope the woman he left behind understands his reasons, and the way he left. Perhaps she finds a letter he left behind — something to free her of any feelings of guilt she might feel for his leaving.
Thank you, Emily. As I responded to Thompson, I think I needed more words with this one! A letter would have helped!
As others have said, perhaps a measure of success here is the amount of discussion this story is generating. I too thought it was another well-constructed and emotional piece (as are all of your stories, it appears!). I also thought about how you might have reinforced some sympathy for your main character (as in leaving a letter). But how about if she had only been pretending to sleep? 🤔
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Thank you, Preston. Pretending to sleep? That’s a very interesting thought and one that would have put a totally different slant on the story. I’ve gone over this story many times (as you can imagine!) specifically replacing his packed bag with the introduction of a letter. But, given some of the comments, I wonder if this would still be viewed as him taking the easy way out! The reactions to this story have certainly given me food for thought. An earlier story I wrote ‘Beware the Social Butterfly’ generated similar responses. One comment was ‘Linda you know how to ruffle the readers feathers’ to which I replied that it wasn’t intentional. I’m now wondering if perhaps it is!
Linda, I was sad to read that some of the comments have left you feeling low, as everyone here recognizes the excellence of your writing and this is no exception. I think we all interpret stories based on our own knowledge and experiences, and I don’t believe there is any “right” or “wrong” here, just different viewpoints. I also think the very nature of Flash Fiction leaves even more room for different interpretations, as the extreme word limit allows little room for characterization and/or background.
Thank you Preston for your wise and kind words. I think it was because I was disappointed in myself for not envisaging what reaction my story could invoke in those who might have some knowledge or experience of it. It will certainly make me think more in future about what subjects to cover with a limited word count.
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I agree with Juma, Linda. A good story triggers different reactions and responses, and this definitely is a very good story!
My take on it is that you are describing a man who has problems with receiving love because he isn’t used to it and doesn’t feel worthy of it.
On the surface, he thinks that the problem is that this woman (and the other ones he has left behind) isn’t the right one for him, and that’s why he feels suffocated, but the real, hidden problem is that he is incapable of loving and accepting himself. That is the trauma that Emily also sees.
So, its tragic for both persons in the story, maybe mostly for him since he has to repeat this behavior until he sees what the problem is and start dealing with it.
Congratulations, Linda, to an excellent story!
Your analysis of my protagonist is very insightful, Christer. When I wrote the story I imagined there was something in his childhood that caused the feelings he experienced and was responsible for his behaviour. It is indeed tragic for both parties involved and I agree that, until he deals with the root of his problems, nothing will change. Some of the comments I’ve received have left me feeling quite low. The understanding you have shown in yours is very welcoming. Thank you so much!