Collateral Damage
Two boys whisper by the faint glow of a night-light. A clock shows quarter to midnight.
“I can’t sleep.”
“Me neither. I hear them again.” They lie flat and put their ears to a dusty air vent.
A scream.“GET OUT!” Then silence. Light footsteps on the stairs. The boys scramble back into bed, trembling.
The door creaks open, then quietly closes.
Morning, they dress quickly and go downstairs.
“I’ve made your favourite – waffles.” She smiles weakly, and tears streak down her face.
“Mom… is Dad…” She nods, they rush over and all three tumble to the floor sobbing.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleA sensitive treatment of a difficult subject. This is an excellent example of flash fiction that focuses on a very short period of time. A frightening midnight, and the morning after which is encapsulated in the phrase “all three tumble to the floor sobbing”. As we’ve mentioned with other finalist stories, the title is a vital part of the story and adds even more depth.
Oh! Preston, well done. It’s a very touching story. I had to force back my tears. This is one of the best I have read on this prompt. What happened to him? Did he get angry and leave home?
Thanks so much Thompson. There may be a number of reasons for his leaving, but it’s the reaction of the family that’s important. Are they “sobbing” at the end because of sadness, relief, or both? How long has this been going on, and what effect will it have on the boys in their future relationships? As a teenage boy, my reaction was one of relief, but everyone has their own story and… Read more »
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThey say it’s always the kids that suffer. I admire the parents that can put their feelings aside and their children first. I was wondering if it was the dad or the mum that opened and shut the bedroom door. I like to think it was the dad before he left but, as the footsteps were light, it was probably the mum. I’m imagining he said or did something that she couldn’t… Read more »
Thanks so much Linda for your kind words and thoughtful comments. You’re absolutely right – the use of the word “light” was deliberate to imply mum checking on her children. I, too, would have wished it were the dad. ?
This story made me question what was happening. Then I realised that it was not death that made the family sob, but the father’s departure.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThanks Margarida. I do like to keep the reader guessing! But, as I mentioned in another comment, were they sobbing in sadness, or in relief?
I love the title. People getting hurt that least deserve it. Very touching finale too.
Thanks so much Allan.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleIt is a very emotional read, Preston. It is really painful for children to be abandoned by their father or mother. The relevance of the title is beautiful. I love it, Preston. Well done.
Thanks again Lotchie! It’s very gratifying to see people connecting with this story as intended.
You’re always welcome.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThis story is powerful in its understated and concentrated form, Preston. As you say, the main importance of the story is the reaction of the family and the effects the night’s occurrence have on them. You leave it open to visualize a lot of possibilities. Very nice!
Thanks Christer. You’ve captured the meaning nicely in your comments.
Preston, I read your comment about whether they cried because they were sad or because they were relieved, but maybe it was a bit of both? It could be that they were sad that they were not enough to fight for and also relieved for the same reason? This was so well-described, the way the children were quietly listening, the way the Mom made them their favourite breakfast, maybe to try and… Read more »
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThanks Marianna! Yes, I think they definitely could be both sad and relieved as you described. Thanks so much for your insightful and kind comments.