Eve cursed, knowing she should never have relied on her brother to fix her car. Now she was stuck in the middle of bumpkin-land with no one in sight. To make things worse, she had no telephone signal. Her best hope was a farmhouse she’d seen in the distance.

 About halfway across the first field, she noticed a thick wall of fog creeping towards her—herding her—and shivered as icy tendrils caressed her bare skin.

She lost her bearings. Whispers reached her ears; echoes of the screams of tortured souls, completely unsettling her.

She came to a lichgate and found herself in a churchyard filled with crumbling gravestones, covered in sulphur-yellow lichen. The church door was locked; a sign, nailed at eye level ominously read ‘TRESPASSERS WILL FIND NO REDEMPTION’.

Eve hurried around the side and reached another door at the back. To her relief, it was cracked open enough to squeeze through. But the atmosphere inside felt… wrong, the hairs on the back of her neck instinctively rising. She wrinkled her nose, inhaling the odour of mouldering wood. Cobwebs hung like gossamer curtains from the beams.

She couldn’t bear the intense feeling and had just made a move to leave when, with a squeal, the door slammed shut and an old organ wheezed to life emitting a toneless tune.

Terror gripped her as demonic figures leapt from the stained-glass windows and skittered down columns. Vines wrapped around her ankles and wound their way up her bare legs, seeming to taste her as they traced their way up to her thighs. She fell to the floor as they tugged, cracking her skull against the solid stone floor. Dizziness overtook her as the vines painfully bound her arms, fingers tingling as nerves were compressed. 

All Eve could manage were sobbing cries as the demons fell upon her, tearing her flesh, sucking on the essence of her soul. 

She screamed until her screams died to whimpers and finally to silence. Her body was no longer her vessel as she joined the other tortured souls, residing eternally in that insidiously evil place.

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Voice-Team
Voice-Team(@voice-team)
Admin
22 days ago

From the “fog creeping towards her. . .” to the sign on the church door, the writer builds up a feeling of evil and dread.   Having no redemption is definitely more terrifying than being prosecuted! The description of the church’s interior continues this terror. The reader feels the vines tracing “their way up to her thighs”. The ending doesn’t exonerate, but exacerbates this feeling. Well done.

Linda Rock
Linda Rock(@linda-rock)
1 month ago

Wow, Carrie, I think we need another word for ‘Scary’! That was horrifying! Brilliant build-up to a spine chilling ending, with amazing descriptions that brought the story to life. Excellent writing!

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Marianna Pieterse
Marianna Pieterse(@marianna-pieterse)
1 month ago

I agree with Linda, Carrie. ‘Scary’ is not an adequate description! The tension build-up was so well-paced. It was like watching a movie scene. Well done.

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Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
1 month ago

Wow. I was terrified from the start until the end. And I shivered more when I read, ‘TRESPASSERS WILL FIND NO REDEMPTION’. Well done, Carrie.

Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
Reply to  Carrie OLeary
1 month ago

You’re always welcome, Carrie.

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Greene M Wills
Greene M Wills(@greene-m-wills)
1 month ago

Terrific on terrifying!!! It’s the perfect setting for a more than respected horror film. I held my breath hoping against hope that Eve would get away. Simply fantastic!

Emily O'Leary
Emily O'Leary(@emily-oleary)
1 month ago

A truly terrifying story — the perfect fit for this time of year! Such a wonderful atmospheric build up, and a horrifying end. The imagery you used painted such a vivid picture!

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allinonefitness steven jenkins
allinonefitness steven jenkins(@allinonefitness-steven-jenkins)
1 month ago

Excellent, Carrie, Very spooky  😬 

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Heather Chrzanowski
Heather Chrzanowski(@heather-chrzanowski)
1 month ago

I loved your descriptive phrasing in this story. So good! So creepy! A perfect halloween tale!

Margarida Brei
Margarida Brei(@margarida-brei)
25 days ago

Carrie, a truly horrifying tale, very Gothic and strongly reminded me of Poe. Solid build up in layer upon layer of terror.

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Heather Chrzanowski
Heather Chrzanowski(@heather-chrzanowski)
22 days ago

Carrie, congratulations! Indeed, this was an excellent Halloween story.

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Linda Rock
Linda Rock(@linda-rock)
21 days ago

Congratulations, Carrie! I’m really pleased for you and so glad your talent for this genre has been recognised! This was an amazing story and a well deserved win!

Fuji
Fuji(@fuji)
19 days ago

Congratulations on your win, Carrie. Double win, actually, since you also placed in the Public Voting. How exciting!

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Greene M Wills
Greene M Wills(@greene-m-wills)
17 days ago

Well done, Carrie, congratulations!!

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Melissa Taggart
Melissa Taggart(@melissa-taggart)
17 days ago

Congratulations on the win, Carrie! This was a well-paced, descriptive and perfectly scary story.

Margarida Brei
Margarida Brei(@margarida-brei)
15 days ago

Congratulations on your double win, Carrie. Edgar Allan Poe would be so proud of you! I assume you have already thought of entering a Poe writing contest.
After reading your fiction again, I saw my mistake. Whereas, I skirted around the subject of scary, you hit it directly.

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