
The Monster Within
“You want to act like a monster, you can go and live amongst them.” Michael’s voice was icy, his tone angry—monstrous even—nothing like the caring, benevolent angel I’d known.
I was shoved viciously to my knees. My hands were bound tightly behind my back and Michael pinned them to the floor with his foot as he tore open my shirt to expose my back.
“You don’t have to do this,” I whimpered.
Another angel pushed my head to my knees, arching my spine unnaturally. I saw the glint of the seraph blade as it was handed to Michael, still dripping with the blood of his previous victim. Michael plunged the dagger in and sawed at the bone. My throat burned from screaming. I wept as bloodied feathers floated to the floor like petals from a withered rose.
I passed out before the end—before I was cast from Heaven. I awoke as I landed, my bones shattering against the rocks of a nightmare landscape where fire spewed from pits around my broken body.
I lay there until he found me—he who had led the uprising against God. He squatted beside me, sweeping a gentle hand across my brow, an unexpected gesture. “Ah, Belial,” he sighed, “What have they done to you? Butchered you like a worthless hog!”
Tears streamed down my face at his touch.
“You have two choices. Serve at my side, or burn in eternal damnation until the end of days.”
Not much of a choice! “Of course, I will serve you,” I grated out in a voice barely recognisable as my own.
Pain lanced through me once more as my transformation began. I writhed, screaming in agony as my broken bones and shredded skin knitted back together. Fire burned in my shoulders as new wings burst forth, wrapping bat-like around my naked torso. Gone were my downy feathers. These wings were membranous, each digit talon-tipped and lethal. I stretched them and rose with a single swoop.
I caught my reflection in his eyes. My eyes blazed, my anger igniting with a thirst for revenge.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleHorror and pity characterize this transformation. A new take on a familiar story, powerfully written.
Thank you ?
Wow, Carrie, a story of fire and brimstone at its best! The pain and suffering of the fallen angel was palpable and that last line so satisfying. A wonderful descriptive piece of writing.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThank you, Linda. I really enjoyed writing this one once I managed to get started.
Oh, Carrie- what do you eat for breakfast?
A superb retelling of Lucifer’s fall from grace. Your story is so full of drama, chaos, brutality that it is a horrific tale.
I particularly like the simile, “ feathers floated to the floor like petals from a withered rose.”
Well done!
Thank you so much for the lovely comment, Margarida. I chose Belial for my MP in this one as there was antagonism between him and Michael before he fell from grace along with Lucifer. I thought that, perhaps, Michael would get some satisfaction from casting Belial from Heaven. What other choice for Belial was there other than to continue following Lucifer in Hell?
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleYour story is full of tension, and your descriptive depiction of the conflict between what the fallen angel was and what he had become is memorable.
Thank you, Marianna. I’m glad that you found his transition from angel to demon memorable after all he’d endured.
Another wonderful story. Well done, Carrie ?
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThank you, glad you enjoyed it 🙂
What a colorful, powerful and dramatic tale of the fall of the angels, Carrie! Your story is full of realistic details that make the read very intense and entertaining. Great job!
Thank you, Christer. I’m not sure why my brain immediately jumped to fallen angels when I saw the prompt, but I enjoyed doing the research for this one.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with Google“Fire burned in my shoulders as new wings burst forth, wrapping bat-like around my naked torso.” Wow. I don’t think I will ever forget this line! Amazing writing as always Carrie!
Thank you so much, Heather. It took a lot of work and encouragement to get that paragraph right, so I’m glad you found it memorable 🙂
Hello, Carrie. This is one of your finest and greatest pieces. Wonderful work. Well done.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThank you for your kind comment, Lotchie. I enjoyed writing this one.
You’re always welcome and a huge congratulations. Cheers!
Thank you 🙂
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleCongratulations, Carrie! I loved this story.
Thank you, Linda 🙂
Such a fan of your writing style, Carrie! Congratulations on your win!
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThank you, Melissa. I enjoyed writing this story.
Wow!, Carrie, I don’t know what else to say after reading all the comments on this page. I know you’re good at writing horror-filled stories. This is an attestation. Congratulations.
Thank you for your kind words, Thompson 🙂
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleCarrie, congratulations on your double win and on such powerful writing!
Thank you, Margarida, I have some very supportive friends, but it’s always amazing when Voice team choose you as a finalist or one of their winners.
I enjoyed the intensity you brought forth! I couldn’t stop reading! Congratulations!
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThank you, Kelly. I’m glad you enjoyed reading it 🙂