Ivaila’s eyes were pooling up and spilling from all the yawning. She hadn’t slept in almost two weeks and she didn’t know if she could take it much longer. She had been taken to The Cage for isolation from the outside world and They had never told her why. She had been told that it was for her own good and that if she tried to escape, horrid days would follow on the outside. This led her to being here. Ten days with no sleep because she was just too scared that They would do something to her family if she lost focus. Focus on nothing really, except staying awake. That was what They had told her. If she lost her family, she lost her soul. If she lost her soul, she lost her being. Losing her being meant becoming a ghost, a zombie, whatever you want to call it. She was just hoping that she would see her brother, mother, and father again one blissful day.

The room was an inky black, and Ivaila’s eyelids were slowly sliding down her eyeballs, but she kept slowly lifting them up. Her eyelashes were heavily weighing down the eyelids but if she lost her focus now, she would lose her family forever. She couldn’t risk it. Or was she being too paranoid? Maybe They wouldn’t do anything to her family and were just trying to scare her.

So she leaned back making her final choice, and just as her lids were about to softly touch, closing the curtain to the outside world, keys jingled and a man stepped into her room wearing a white suit that filled the room with light.

“Ms. Thatcher, you have five minutes left, and then your family will be safe and you will go back home,” he said in a firm voice.

But it was too late, her consciousness flew away and she drifted into a deep sleep.

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2 years ago

I was on the edge of my seat, trying to help her stay awake, when the man announced “you have five minutes left, and then your family will be safe”. Whew! I thought. That was close! Then you totally surprised me with the ending. Good writing!

Eric Radcliffe
Eric Radcliffe(@eric-radcliffe)
2 years ago

Yes, I liked this story, you handled the suspense excellently.

Sandra James
Sandra James(@sandra-james)
2 years ago

Intriguing and had me holding my breath, waiting. Well done!

musing mind
musing mind(@musing-mind)
2 years ago

Your story is so full of suspense, till the last minute. Loved reading it.

Susan Dawson
Susan Dawson(@susan-dawson)
2 years ago

“Oh no,” I exclaimed as I read the last line. No idea where you got the idea from but most effective.

Tejal Doshi
Tejal Doshi(@tejal-doshi)
2 years ago

Gave me the chills…I loved it! I can see this as the prologue of a fantasy or dystopic series…

Linda Rock
Linda Rock(@linda-rock)
2 years ago

Your story had me gripped IIa and I could feel my eyelids closing as I read on. I too felt a sense of relief at the man’s words… her family were safe and she was going home. Only to be devastated by that last line. Well written and full of suspense.

Katy Bizi
Katy Bizi(@katy-bizi)
2 years ago

You’ve had me sitting at the edge of my seat! It was a really thrilling ride until the story reached its end. Well done, Ila!

Lotchie Carmelo
Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
1 year ago

I love it, Ila. The suspense is extreme until the end. I am hoping to read more stories from you.

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