I enjoy my morning walk to school. A chance to gather deep thoughts. Alone time with nature. Ruth, my best friend, will join me to finish our trek to school. Until then, fall weather engages my senses. Crisp gentle breezes detach leaves from their sparse branches. Floating effortlessly till they land. Lovely. My favorite color palette. Burnt oranges, crimson reds and sunny yellows adorn the green belt. The breeze has changed course. The darkening sky and strong gusts intermingle. My long unruly locks whip my face. The sting is like a constant slap. My lungs inhale deeply. I shiver with the drop in temperatures. Crushing leaves beneath is all I hear until…..

Ruth will interrupt. She’s known for the latest ‘news on the street’. I wonder if half of her detailed gossip about this one and that one is made up?

The green belt provides a shortcut to school. There is no sign of Ruth. Maybe she’s home sick? The whiff of impending rain decides for me. Hurrying, I trip over raised tree roots, camouflaged under layers of leaves. My ankle turns in as my hands try to break my fall. I’m a little dizzy but able to pull myself up. The thunder and lightning are taking turns with threatening warnings. I regain my stride.

A few minutes later, recognizing Ruth’s giggle, I move slowly towards her voice.  Peering over the brush, I see Ruth with my boyfriend, Jack! She’s giggling while they’re embracing. My face is burning hot in disbelief!  She had hinted yesterday that she’s seeing someone new. My mind is raging like this wicked storm. As I’m about to confront them, there is a loud crackle. The snap of a tree limb has knocked them off their feet. I’m fuming as I make my way to them.

“Jean, we need help. My leg is hurting bad!” Ruth isn’t the least bit apologetic for betraying me. Jack is face down, uttering inaudible sounds.

Angered to my core, I show little compassion. I decide to mislead them. “I promise to send help your way.”  A revenge smile comforts me.

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    Lotchie Carmelo
    Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
    2 months ago

    I think they both deserve it. Sorry for my word. Being betrayed by your friend is not easy. If I were Jean, I will do the same. What an unexpected revenge. And I loved the sweet and comforting smile from Jean.

    Nice and satisfying read, Deborah. Well done.

    Last edited 2 months ago by Lotchie Carmelo
    Margarida Brei
    Margarida Brei(@margarida-brei)
    2 months ago

    I particularly liked your description of nature which really emphasised show rather than tell.

    Julie Harris
    Julie Harris(@julie-harris)
    2 months ago

    Hi Deborah – Like Margardia, I enjoy the way you “show” us the burnt orange, crimson red and sunny yellow, rather than “telling” us that it’s fall. I also enjoyed the action verbs “snap” and “crackle”, which I could hear as I read. Nice example of engaging the reader’s senses!

    1 month ago

    You seem to be doing a good job with “show vs tell”, Deborah. Keep up the good work! I look forward to following you as you improve your writing skills. I think we are all trying to improve!

    N Jungeberg
    N Jungeberg(@n-jungeberg)
    14 days ago

    Even Mother Nature hates betrayal! Love how you made her and the protagonist best friends forever by sticking together in the end and both did it so ‘beautifully’ and gently, too. 😊

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