
Crackle with a Snap
I enjoy my morning walk to school. A chance to gather deep thoughts. Alone time with nature. Ruth, my best friend, will join me to finish our trek to school. Until then, fall weather engages my senses. Crisp gentle breezes detach leaves from their sparse branches. Floating effortlessly till they land. Lovely. My favorite color palette. Burnt oranges, crimson reds and sunny yellows adorn the green belt. The breeze has changed course. The darkening sky and strong gusts intermingle. My long unruly locks whip my face. The sting is like a constant slap. My lungs inhale deeply. I shiver with the drop in temperatures. Crushing leaves beneath is all I hear until…..
Ruth will interrupt. She’s known for the latest ‘news on the street’. I wonder if half of her detailed gossip about this one and that one is made up?
The green belt provides a shortcut to school. There is no sign of Ruth. Maybe she’s home sick? The whiff of impending rain decides for me. Hurrying, I trip over raised tree roots, camouflaged under layers of leaves. My ankle turns in as my hands try to break my fall. I’m a little dizzy but able to pull myself up. The thunder and lightning are taking turns with threatening warnings. I regain my stride.
A few minutes later, recognizing Ruth’s giggle, I move slowly towards her voice. Peering over the brush, I see Ruth with my boyfriend, Jack! She’s giggling while they’re embracing. My face is burning hot in disbelief! She had hinted yesterday that she’s seeing someone new. My mind is raging like this wicked storm. As I’m about to confront them, there is a loud crackle. The snap of a tree limb has knocked them off their feet. I’m fuming as I make my way to them.
“Jean, we need help. My leg is hurting bad!” Ruth isn’t the least bit apologetic for betraying me. Jack is face down, uttering inaudible sounds.
Angered to my core, I show little compassion. I decide to mislead them. “I promise to send help your way.” A revenge smile comforts me.
Comments without a personalized avatar will not be published.
To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleI think they both deserve it. Sorry for my word. Being betrayed by your friend is not easy. If I were Jean, I will do the same. What an unexpected revenge. And I loved the sweet and comforting smile from Jean.
Nice and satisfying read, Deborah. Well done.
Thank you for your comment Lotchie. Please do not apologize for your reaction and or feedback to any story! I appreciate your honesty! Unfortunately, betrayal comes in all shapes and sizes! My protagonist has a moment of revenge. Her inner sinister emerges!
I particularly liked your description of nature which really emphasised show rather than tell.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThank you. I’ve been working on ‘show vs tell’.
Hi Deborah – Like Margardia, I enjoy the way you “show” us the burnt orange, crimson red and sunny yellow, rather than “telling” us that it’s fall. I also enjoyed the action verbs “snap” and “crackle”, which I could hear as I read. Nice example of engaging the reader’s senses!
Thank you Julie for noticing my improvements on show vs tell. It’s a little tricky for me. I really enjoy telling a quirky type of story while incorporating more of a show aspect. I am striving to improve my skills!
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleYou seem to be doing a good job with “show vs tell”, Deborah. Keep up the good work! I look forward to following you as you improve your writing skills. I think we are all trying to improve!
Thank you for your comment Fuji. I really enjoy telling a story while incorporating showing of what is going on around the story. I visualize a tale which comes to life in my writing.
Even Mother Nature hates betrayal! Love how you made her and the protagonist best friends forever by sticking together in the end and both did it so ‘beautifully’ and gently, too. 😊
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThank you for seeing this connection! It was justice served with a side of……. People come in all shapes and forms. Even though this is complete fiction, I think most of us have dealt with betrayal on some level. Expression through writing is exhilarating! Look forward to reading your stories!