The Soul Is a Sense
Besides the five senses: touch, hearing, smell, taste and sight, we have the soul. In the good, the soul brims over in peace and empathy. In the evil, the opposite is true. There is a desire to war and acute lack of sympathy. Our planet is divided into good souls and bad by a high wall.
Unfortunately, the enthusiastic too good are always trying to climb over the wall to convert the evil. The smooth icy walls are festooned with hot air balloons, homemade aeroplanes, cannon fire, catapulted objects. They were the lucky ones. The unlucky ones made it over the wall and met a torturous end.
The most zealous evil souls try to tunnel under the wall and are pulverised by collapsing burrows, go mad in the dark or are attacked by ireful beasts.
My story was different. On a mutual improvement trip, I fell in love with an evil soul. He was dashing, dangerous and a delinquent. He was everything and more than our pasty skinned, play it safe boring young men. In his blunt, could not care what anyone thought way, he stated our love was doomed. He was the Romeo and I was the Juliet. At the bottom of my soul, I knew our love was doomed, but my other senses betrayed me. In my eyes he was handsome, a figure of sculptured stone and steel bound together with magic. He smelled of adventure, excitement and the Great Outdoors. His voice was loud, fond of itself and so brash. He never would or could enter a room quietly. It was all a huge light show of look at me and worship. When I touched his bare skin, electrifying shocks pelted through my body. He was a real man and left a tangible taste in the air of animal energy. He was everything that my sad little soul was not.
He made me feel so alive that parting from him emphasised a return to an empty mapped out life.
I slipped my guard and ran away with him. Destination unknown. Future unplanned, but ours to discover together.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleI do not want to be accused of plagiarism; I took a quote and expanded on the idea of the soul being a sense. The quote read, “Our bodies have five senses: touch, smell, taste, sight, hearing. But not to be overlooked are the senses of our souls: intuition, peace, foresight, trust, empathy. The differences between people lie in their use of these senses; most people don’t know anything about the inner senses… Read more »
Hello Margarida – what an interesting story! Beautifully written and thought provoking, it asks us to look closer at our own nature. My favorite line is “he was handsome, a figure of sculptured stone and steel bound together with magic.” I can fully experience him from that description, which goes so far beyond hair color, chiseled chin and so forth. You’ve inspired me to send in my Snake poem, in which the… Read more »
Thank you for pointing out that moving away from the usual commonplace descriptions of a person also works.
Only too glad to inspire you in your writing.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleI did enjoy this very original story, Margarida. I’m not sure that you really need the first sentence; for me, it takes a little of the magic out of the story. Perhaps you could have started the story with the last sentence of the first paragraph—‘Our planet is divided into good souls and bad by a high wall.’—instead, followed by the sentence that starts ‘In the good…’ For me, that would have… Read more »
Thank you for your feedback Carrie. I think my first sentence was partly to start in a simple way and to ensure that I included the senses.
i enjoyed your story Margarida. How often we ignore our inner voice, our conscience, in order to follow more hedonistic pursuits that are dangerous or even a little wrong.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleThank you for your feedback, Julian. I am sure their world is made up of numerous rules, not only to keep them safe but to prevent them from asking questions.
Wow! What a beautiful and unique story. Now I know about our inner senses, our souls (intuition, peace, foresight, trust, empathy) . Thanks to you. Nicely done.
A million thanks, Lotchie for your rich laudation.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleYou’re most welcome, Margarida.
I like the fact you incorporated the inner senses which I find significant. Your story was well written. I particularly enjoyed the last paragraph. It gives hope to anyone seeking happiness.
Yes, but will they be happy? The “Juliette” character fell in love with a delinquent.
Thank you, Deborah for reading and commenting on my short story.
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To Leave Comments - Please SignIn with GoogleWhat an imaginative take on the prompt, Margarida! They say ‘go with your feelings’ and who isn’t drawn to a ‘bad boy’? Only those not seeking excitement and escape from their mundane life. Your protagonist is prepared to take a risk and, although I fear for her, at least she will have lived! Great writing!
Thank you, Linda for your kind comments. It was fun writing this offbeat story.