“I see you. I hear you. I smell you. I will touch you then I will taste you,” screamed my tousled-hair daughter dissolving into giggles. She tried to poke out her tongue to sample my skin but was unsuccessful, being too full of the sillies.

Joyously, I picked her up and swung her around. Her giggles rippled out, enveloping the entire park.

“Ariel, you are my perfect child!  You are a wonderful combination of bliss and sunshine delightfully rolled into a little girl! Ariel, let us enjoy today!” I sang. Her silliness was so contagious. 

It was such a beautiful day to be alive! The sky, a perfect cobalt blue kissed the horizon with deep appreciation. The sun shone with perfection blessing the vegetation. Birds sang with wild abandon as though their lives were the very best. Children played under the watchful eyes of protective parents. The children shared, took turns and were generally happy, as though they had a perfect upbringing. A gentle breeze intensified the perfection of the day and blew our worries away. Yet how could worries and problems even exist on such a perfect day? It was hard to imagine. 

It was a day spun from sunshine, honey and gold. You could readily believe that unicorns, rainbows and magic existed. Life for me was perfect. Ariel was healthy, happy and with just the perfect dollop of sauciness. She was fortunate in having the right Daddy too. He loved her deeply, spent quality time with her, praised her triumphs yet gently corrected her. My husband was so handsome; he was carved crystal mystically mixed with sun rays. Beyond that, as a man he let his integrity and honesty lead him.

“I smell Daddy!” Ariel joyously squealed. At that moment with a rush he lifted her high, amplifying her laughter.

So we waded through clear pure water, drank fresh air and marvelled at the cleanliness of the park, our subdivision and the world generally. It was good knowing that conservation and love of the environment were flourishing!

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    1 month ago

    I will be honest Margarida i preferred your dystopian version. This is a little too saccharine in outlook much as i like happy endings. That said it is well written but, for me, needs the context of what might have been to make this joyful alternative work.

    Carrie OLeary
    Carrie OLeary(@carrie-oleary)
    1 month ago

    A sweet story, Margarida, but I’m with Julian on this. The original was far more gritty and instilled fear for the future into the reader. You don’t really say why everything is so perfect, if they have been underground and now emerged etc. I too enjoy a happy ending, but this was a little too perfect. Also, between ‘perfect’ and ‘perfection’, I think you used them at least seven times within the… Read more »

    Carrie OLeary
    Carrie OLeary(@carrie-oleary)
    Reply to  Margarida Brei
    1 month ago

    Ah, it confused me with you saying in the title that it’s an Alternative Ending to I See You. Perhaps ‘Alternative Setting’ or something similar would help prevent confusion.

    Last edited 1 month ago by Carrie OLeary
    Reply to  Carrie OLeary
    1 month ago

    Margarida – did you get all the private emails we sent you concerning the title? We are a bit worried that you aren’t getting our emails, since we never heard back from any of them. Like Carrie, we thought the title was confusing, and suggested several different titles.

    The main thing is to make sure you get our emails – if you win a prize, we will need to contact you!

    Lotchie Carmelo
    Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
    1 month ago

    I really enjoyed it, Margarida. Such sweet moments together with our family. The time and bonding are memories that we created to treasure and keep. Well done.

    Lotchie Carmelo
    Lotchie Carmelo(@lotchie-carmelo)
    Reply to  Margarida Brei
    1 month ago

    You’re welcome.

    Deborah Goulding
    Deborah Goulding(@deborah-goulding)
    1 month ago

    Margarida, your writing style never lets me down! Even though this story represents a super sweet society, the verbiage brings much to light! A hopeful take for a happier world!!!

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